<<Tongue in Cheek :-)  One of the cutest things I got at VELB....from the =
Ausrian Anti-C/sec gals.  They also had a recipe for Kaiserscharm =
(pancakey sort of thing, with plum sauce) which they served as a =
fundraiser.  It was YUM.

 

Recipe for a Caesarean section

2-3 easy cutting surgeons

1 expecting woman

1 unbaked (half mature) baby>>

 

Your recipe inspired me to write one of my own:

 

Recipe for a cesarean section 

 

1 nice, well behaved woman

1 impatient obstetrician

½ doula

Minced birth plan

2 tsp prostaglandin gel

2 tbsp pitocin (do not use the authentic oxytocin)

 

Mix together slowly, monitoring as you go along.  Once pain is intolerable,
add

 

1 generous epidural (to freeze the well behaved woman from her breasts to
her toes)

 

Check with an ice cube for sensation.  This epidural will be helpful in the
cutting process to follow.

 

An external fetal monitor and contraction belt will help to move the process
along.  Once distress is induced in the inner cavity of the well-behaved
woman, an amni hook can be used to puncture the protective lining.  Some
cooks prefer to insert a spiral screw into the scalp of the infant within
the cavity to insure a certain outcome.

 

When it comes time to insert a knife, have all gadgets and implements for
removing the infant at hand.

Cover well behaved woman with green cloths and screens exposing only a small
strip of belly area.

 

 

Watch the finished product carefully for several hours after completion of
the cesarean section to make sure that the recipe has performed as promised.

Gloria Lemay

Posted to my blog at  www.glorialemay.com/blog

 


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