Rob,

Here are some things that have helped some other mothers in that situation:

Have mother nurse the baby sitting on the floor, or have the toddler join
her on the sofa or bed, so mom is not at a different level with baby, while
toddler is below.  Being at eye level with the toddler seems to help
him/her feel less excluded.

Have a basket or box of special, favored toys to be used just at nursing times.
Also, nursing time is often a good time to read stories to the toddler or
share  some favorite tapes of stories or songs.

Have the toddler care for and nurse his/her own "baby" doll or stuffed
animal when mom is nursing the baby.  Helps the toddler to identify with
mother in the role of caretaker, rather than with the baby as a rival for
mom's attention.

Maybe mother could keep some drinks/snacks on hand for herself for nursing
times, with a similar snack for the toddler to share with her. (A nice
example of this is the breastfeeding illustration in the children's book,
"We Have a Baby," by Cathryn Falwell, Clarion Books, 1993).

Be sure mom is spending some special time with toddler at other times, so
his/her needs for attention and love are being met.

It is a shame when a mother refrains from breastfeeding out of concern for
the toddler's feelings.  With a healthier, fully breastfed baby, she will
have more timne with the toddler than if the baby is constantly ill with
ear infections, diarrhea, etc. or she is spending time preparing bottles of
formula.

Anne Altshuler, RN, MS, IBCLC and LLL leader in Madison, WI