> I have been following some of this thread and there have been wonderful response. The thought of what you were called makes my gut retch. Would this supervisor be allowed to make racial remarks to someone that was Black, Native American or of Hispanic origins. Would the supervisor be allowed to make a negative remark to someone of a different sexual orientation. >>


While I agree with the basics behind this comment -- and I've had a recent experience being called the same thing after presenting evidence-based materials to a group of OB residents -- I'd suggest the first step one should take when they find themselves in such situations is to (positively) confront the supervisor, colleague, etc. in question. 

Unfortunately, this "n" epithet is too often casually used for situations in which someone strongly expresses a point of view, including the soup chef on a Seinfeld episode, and hurt or anger -- no matter how righteous -- can lead to over-reacting. And it is also too easy to leap to the next level (or sometimes 2, 3, etc. levels) of management (or whatever) in the hope that someone higher will "rescue" us, but this is as unprofessional as this supervisor's slur and threats re: an optional "learning" activity. Going above someone before first discussing the situation with the person(s) involved is more likely to put that person on the defensive and add to tension at work. Also, higher management is less likely to take a complaint as seriously if there has been no discussion between the involved parties first.

Check your Employee Handbook. The chain of communication should be noted. Basic rights/protections of employees should also be included.

Sure, it's nerve-wracking to confront someone whose behavior was inappropriate, but it's also the professional thing to do. Plus, a positive confrontation can be a learning experience vs. an exercise likely to put the other on the defensive. Make an appointment for one-to-one meeting with the supervisor. Plan the positive confrontation via role play if that might help. Use "I" messages re: your feelings and responses to what was said, how it was said and it being said in the presence of others. It's simply impossible to argue with another's feelings/perceptions shared via "I" messages but the point gets across without pointing fingers. 

Personally, I'd request an apology for the name-calling and a memo issued that clarifyies optional vs. mandatory presentations. I'd further request that the apology be shared with all who were in attendance at last week's meeting and that the clarification be shared with all  info staff. Would think determining a reasonable deadline for dealing with these things would be crucial. Take notes and inform the supervisor that you are documenting the interaction.

If no satisfaction occurs or deadline passes, it's more than reasonable to go to the person the supervisor reports to and/or Human Resources. But even then, it's more professional to be straightforward with an offender when one believes it is necessary to pursue the issue with the next level of management -- and the use of a vile term or threats re: discipline for what should be an optional attendance both seem worthy of moving forward if the supervisor fails to deal with her own inappropriate behavior.

BTW, I plan to take my own advice in the next few weeks, as I have another presentation slated in May with the OB residents. Planning the positive confrontation...


> Re: Marsha Walker's quote from an employee manual
> 
> Great quote Marsha,
> 


Marsha, would it be possible to forward the entire citation for the quote in case its credibility is questioned? I'd love to use it, but can already hear someone ask for more re: manual title, year published, author info. Was going to request this via personal email but then thought others may also be interested in the entire citation. 

Thanks!

Karen

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