Here is a note from a long time subscriber.

 I take this as a reminder to us all about the rules of the "road" with
regard to Lactnet. Please take a minute to read and think of these things as
you post. Remember, Lactnet began as a way for us to help each other with
hard lactation cases, issues. It is a venue to do this still, and we need to
think of that with each post. This is not aimed at any one person, and is
just a gentle reminder, which will be repeated periodically.  Critics in
this note refer to those who nitpick, attack, use hurtful or disrepectful
language or tone  intentionally, or pounce upon notes in an argumentative
fashion.

Please take time to consider civility, and also to try and be of genuine
help to those who are requesting it.  Remember that those who you are
speaking to have names, faces, lives, children, jobs, problems, checkbooks
to balance, ill older relatives, illnesses themselves, problems that we have
*no* idea of.....just like we do.

We all face challenges and have strong opinions, but..... here is the note.
Take it with a grain of salt, ********breathe deeply********before
responding, and read this.


".... Lactnet went so long  without succumbing to the pitfalls of other
groups. I try to see what the "critics" are trying to do.  I usually think
that they lack self
confidence, so they read the posts from others with an eye to picking
something to challenge so that they look superior.  Maybe they aren't
capable of discerning the spirit of a post, but see only the minute details
that they choose to
pounce on. There is a lot of "posturing."

Recently I read a few days of posts from 1997, and was amazed at the
genuine help that we gave to each other.  One could ask a question and
reveal what she did in a case, and no one attacked her as incompetent of
wrong headed.  There wasn't always agreement, but there was maturity.

A couple of our state legislators have begun a "Civility Campaign."  They
are disturbed by the lack of civility and co-operation that they see
increasing in the legislative bodies.  They asked each member of the House
and Senate to sign a pledge to treat each other civilly and with respect.
I hope that it is effective.  Perhaps the harshness on Lactnet is a
reflection of a general growing incivility in the culture (s).   Real
answers to questions seem few and far between. Perhaps others, like I,  are
writing privately more frequently. "

And, as another friend of the list has said,  "I feel compelled to comment
about the simultaneous defensiveness and aggressiveness that seems to be
arising again on our list.  All professions and disciplines disagree within
themselves and between themselves and "rival" systems of beliefs.  It is
impossible for this not to be the case,  given the nature of thought,
debate, scientific discovery, and human nature.
Everyone on this list has a right to be opinionated, and it is our different
perceptions that keep opening up the new perspecitves that move us forward.
However, we must abandon the illusion that just because we feel strongly
about something, others must think as we do.  That's called having control
problems.

 What I find rude is to use people's names and ideas against them, throwing
their remarks back in their faces, disrespecting their right to their
opinion, bashing their degree or profession (whether it be MD, PhD, or LLL)
and to escalate debate into the equivalent of a pissing contest.

I disagree with many of the remarks I hear on this list, but as best I can,
try to restrain myself from name calling or taking some position of high
umbrage just because my dogma and your dogma don't jive.  I would urge
everyone to simultaneously toughen up (in terms of not taking remarks so
personally) and to cultivate the virture of polite discourse."

Well said.

Let's remember it. Thanks to all.

Kathleen

Kathleen B. Bruce, BSN, IBCLC co-owner Lactnet, Indep. Consultant
Williston, Vermont, USA
mailto:[log in to unmask]
http://homepages.together.net/~kbruce/kbblact.html
http://homepages.together.net/~kbruce/kbblrv.html
LACTNET Archives http://peach.ease.lsoft.com/archives/lactnet.html

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