Dear all:

I probably should have elicited opinions first, but I felt so disturbed that I could not help myself 
and was honest about why I declined to give a talk. I was asked if I would give a talk for NY City 
Baby on breastfeeding.  Then I was grilled for about an hour about whether or not I would make 
mothers who simply decided not to breastfeed feel guilty. I gave my insulin analogy that someone 
from Lactnet provided - which I love and how there is a lot of gray areas in the middle because of 
societal pressures and beliefs about the breast as a sexual object, talked about how I counsel 
women who have breastfeeding problems and sometimes give up etc.  It turned out that this 
woman has serious unresolved issues herself about having given up because of excruciating pain.  
She did get help, but it was too late.  After the conversation, the more I thought about it, the more 
annoyed I got.  No other professional would  have been grilled this way.  The woman herself was a 
therapist.  She never once mentioned any monetary compensation.  

At first, I left a message saying I couldn't do it because it conflicted with my schedule which is 
true.  But then I couldn't help myself and called back and left a message about how I didn't feel 
good about being grilled in that way because I consider myself a professional.  I said I felt I could 
give a well-balanced talk, but I did not feel that I wanted to do so because of how I had been 
approached.  That as a therapist she should know that guilt is something we feel when we know 
we should do something differently but don't and its not something someone else does to us.  
Shame, on the other hand,  is something that others inflict upon us by outsiders who want us to 
do something differently - and I certainly never shame any of my clients I help them work through 
their issues about feeding choices.  Then I mentioned that she would probably not have grilled an 
MD that she might have considered as a speaker that was talking about SIDS or sleeping issues 
about whether or not they would make mothers feel guilty.  

I'm still shaking about this.  I probably should have left it at a schedule conflict, but part of me felt 
that it is unfair that lactation consultants are treated with such disrespect.

And a head's up warning to any other LCs in or around Manhattan who might be approached for 
this!  She does seem to have an agenda.  Hopefully if she is still shopping for LCs she will be a 
little less agressive in her grilling about whether or not you are a guilt-inducing breastfeeding 
Nazi.

Susan Burger

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