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Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Wed, 17 Mar 1999 08:12:40 -0500
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Marie,

The LC was right, and the reasons you give are valid.

I have always been amazed at the attitude which states that the birth mother
should not breastfeed. If this is what it takes for her to change her mind
about the adoption, then surely she really wanted to keep the baby in the
first place. We have no right to put obstacles into her path because we made
a commitment to another couple. It's too bad for the adopting family, I feel
for them, but the girl has a right, it's still her baby. Otherwise we are
treating the birth mother as a birth vessel, a machine.  Maybe she has no
choice in giving up the baby.  I don't see how it follows that she should
not have feelings for her baby. Why are we so hupped up about decreasing the
grieving? This is a reason to grieve, and she should grieve.  Surpressing
grief is not the answer. If she gives up the baby, well the baby will have
had colostrum. When the baby looks for her in 18 or 20 years, she won't be
one of the mothers, we hope, who tells the child "I never wanted you, I
never wanted to see you, and I'm not happy you looked me up".  She just
might say, "I couldn't keep you, I was scared, everyone told me I had to
give you up. But when I put you to my breast, I cried and thought you would
still always be mine too".

Jack Newman, MD, FRCPC

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