What I find most surprising about my observation on the strength of
reactions about BF, is that it took me over 10 years to figure it out.  I am
not usually that dense.
This year I have had the privilege of visiting a number of hospitals all
over the country, and talking to many health care professionals who work
with BF dyads.  I talk a lot about attitude, prefacing it with a recounting
of that awful day at work with all the tears and yelling, and I try to make
it very clear that there are multiple considerations I try to take.
I am usually addressing a group of women who have had children, and who have
personal experience of BF, successful or not, and I want to make them aware
of how that experience affects them in their work, because I believe that
will help them.  I also want to acknowledge that this area of work is NOT
like accounting, or engineering, or even general nursing, as it seems to
engage us on a deeper level, so that their attitudes are important, whatever
they are, and there are no 'right answers' to attitude questions.  I am with
Heather in that as long as they behave correctly I don't care about
attitudes.  But I think the pain around this is so difficult that many
people encapsulate it and aren't aware that it is affecting their work
lives.
While I do not want to increase anyone's pain, I do need to address them in
their capacity as health personnel, and not primarily as mothers.  So if
anyone needs to ventilate, they can reach me if they want to.  The kinds of
stories I get to hear are poignant, and the fact that I hear them, sometimes
when they are being told for the first time, tells me that these people feel
safe talking about it, and that they need to talk about it.
Valerie points out the typical responses to mothers who have experienced BF
failure, and this matches my own experience very well.  Either it doesn't
matter, or she didn't really try hard enough.  Both responses undervalue the
pain women feel and the effort they put into BF, especially in this culture
where it is the norm.
One of the most important messages I tried to convey in doing group teaching
of mothers on the ward, was that they are accountable to no one but
themselves for their decisions about breastfeeding, and they have an
unconditional right to be respected as adults for making those decisions.
They also have the right to good, impartial (not neutral!) evidence-based
information and care, in my opinion.  My own sadness when women choose not
to breastfeed is MINE and I have no right to inflict it on a mother who has
enough on her plate already.  I am always ready to hear about a woman's
sadness over not being able to breastfeed, if she wants to share it.

Rachel Myr
Kristiansand, Norway

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