I received several private emails thanking me for posting the email shown below, but I also got one that is bugging me. It was suggested that perhaps co-sleeping was a problem that led to the break-up of two marriages. I would rather not go into the specific details of my marriages, but please trust me when I say that co-sleeping had NOTHING to do with the demise of either. My first husband (my daughter's dad) was all for co-sleeping and, in fact, he insisted on it up until I asked him to leave our house when our daughter was 3.5 years old. That was because of HIS bad choices that were negatively impacting both my daughter and me. In addition to his substance abuse issues, I didn't want her growing up thinking the way he treated me was the way men were supposed to treat women... or that women were supposed to put up with being treated that way.
My second husband and I married when my daughter was 19 and my son was almost 6 (I wasn't married to his father, but he was totally in favor of co-sleeping with our son). Hence, the slow, gentle transition from co-sleeping to his own big boy bed when my son was 5. The only co-sleeping that ever happened around here after that was when my adult daughter came to visit, and she obviously didn't crawl into bed with her step-dad and me. Eww.
Rest assured that both of my children are mature, well-adjusted, confident, emotionally secure adults (well, my son is only 18, but.. he's well on his way). I absolutely believe that the security of co-sleeping with their mama is part of the reason they are as mentally healthy as they are.
There are a few people on this list who know me personally and know the details of my story, but I would appreciate it if others who do not would not make assumptions about my marital history and parenting choices.
Thanks -
Cee
>________________________________
>From: Cecilia <[log in to unmask]>
>To: Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
>Sent: Thursday, March 17, 2011 5:55 PM
>Subject: Re: "they won't still cosleep when they're ten"
>
>
>I'm glad you spoke up, Lynn. :-) I saved the same email so I could respond to it eventually with my own story. My daughter was almost 14 when my son was born, and - although she had been perfectly happy to sleep in her own bed for many years - she was still welcome to snuggle in my bed, and she chose to do so quite frequently when her baby brother came along. She just adored him and couldn't stand to be away from him, but I think she also wanted to make sure she was still Mama's Girl, too. She came in and slept with us all or part of many nights until she left home at 19, especially if she had something bothering her or needed some Mama time. Teenagers, like a lot of other people, will sometimes talk in the dark about things they are reluctant to bring up in the light of day. After my son weaned at age 4, I went to sleep most nights lying on my back between my children with a head on each of my shoulders. Usually with them also reaching
across me to touch each other. Such a warm, love-filled memory.
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>My daughter is 32 now, and she still climbs into bed with me when she visits either at night before she moves back to her old bedroom to sleep with her own kids... or in the morning before her kids wake up. While I was married to my second husband, she would wait until he went to work. LOL. When I visit her and her family in Montana, she always wakes me up by climbing into the twin bed I sleep in there. I wouldn't trade those special times for all the money in the world. :-)
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>Funny, though... my son - now 18 - has never once come back to snuggle in my bed since he slowly and gently transitioned to his own bed at age 5.
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>Cee
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>>________________________________
>>From: Lynn Carter <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>Sent: Wednesday, March 16, 2011 9:27 AM
>>Subject: Re: "they won't still cosleep when they're ten"
>>
>>This is slightly off-topic, but I couldn't let that quote go unanswered :)
>>I'm sure the underlying message is that older kids don't drain us dry in
>>the same way a baby can, which is true.
>>
>>I have 6yo and a 10yo who have both coslept from birth. Our bedtime
>>routine all the way up to and including last night is that I lie down in the
>>middle of the double bed, and they snuggle on either side of me, usually
>>with a head on my shoulder. We have our prayers, we review the day and plan
>>tomorrow, and then we just talk for a while. They eventually relax into
>>sleep, and I either extricate myself and go wash dishes, or I pass out from
>>exhaustion and move when I wake up in the night.
>>
>>School-aged kids can be busy busy busy, and young boys aren't always very
>>cuddly. Bedtime is when i get to touch my kids and really get back in touch
>>with them. I wouldn't trade it for the world.
>>
>>For the
record, my kids are perfectly capable of falling asleep alone. We
>>just prefer it this way :)
>>
>>Lynn Carter SFO IBCLC
>>Missouri, USA
>>
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