Hi,
 I'm new to the group. I have a question relating to how realistic I am
about a potential work/life plan. I'm a 36 year old, professional (law
degree & masters). I chose a career in academics that has a more balanced
lifestyle, and I work in one of the best settings in my field. Go figure I
fell in love with a man who moved about 4.5 hours away. His job (which would
support a family) is located about 2 hours away from the nearest decent job
for me. He knows he wants a child or children. I think I want to have a
child too under the right setting if that doesn't sound too weird ( e.g.
financially able to support, ability to stay active and healthy, ability to
work (though I know priorities can change once one has a child), good
relationship with partner). We've talked extensively about how we might be
able to make this work. I don't think it's possible to underestimate the
impact of having a child on one's life so I hoped for some feedback on
whether we are being realistic.

We've thought about a scenario in which we have a child (again, if we're
lucky, I know that's nothing to be assumed at age 36 though I'm in very good
health and myself the daughter of an older parent). After six month to a
year or so I would work part-time, 2 hours away each way, two days a week.
Of course, I'd have to hope I could arrange a job like this. We would likely
have two places to live and on the days that I'm working, I would stay over
away from home. I would either have the child with me or the child would
stay with the dad (he thinks he can arrange a flexible schedule).
Financially I wouldn't need to work but I think I'd like to. It's the
commuting and living apart part of the week part that has me wondering if
we're being realistic. I've also thought about asking my current job for a
part-time scenario but of course that would have me commuting about 8 hours
a week. Is this an impossible situation? I also wonder if I'm not being
selfless enough to have a child ( e.g., do I need to be less worried about
the things I think would keep me happy?).I could live out in the suburbs and
raise a child but I don't think that fits me. I could also change careers
though I would prefer not to. If our plan seems extremely difficult but
potentially doable, are there helpful things that Moms would suggest? Having
a part-time nanny or help or something like that? I expect that my partner
will be at his job for at least the next six years.

Since I'm not a parent I have not posted to a site like this. Please excuse
me if this is not proper use of the site or goes against the list etiquette.
Many, many thanks in advance for any thoughtful feedback.

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