First my personal experience occurred almost 15 years ago and I know that the NICU environment has changed a lot since then. However, during the 2.5 days my premature son fought for life, I have to admit that breastfeeding was not a thought in my mind, neither was suppressing my incoming milk, nor expressing in the event of a positive outcome. 

I was purely in the here and now, which was a minute by minute struggle betweens the positive conditions and the setbacks. I believe that many parents struggle with the same situation, even today. As breastfeeding advocates, we need to realize that many parents (especially first time parents who have no prior experience) are in this state. 

Helping them to make a decision in this area, may help them cope with the situation. Maybe if my mind and time were centered on something else, I would not have struggled with the emotional upheaval of wanting my son to die (to stop the suffering) and wanting him to live (purely selfish desire on my part). 

As it was, in the midst of trying to arrange travel, burial and family arrangements (I already had two children) I was suddenly overwhelmed with my milk coming in. I just remember (vaguely) hand expressing once to relieve engorgement, just a little.

At the time, the only written material I had was "The Premature Baby" by Helen Harrison (I think, my books are all still in boxes, so don't hold me to the author's name). My mil sent me that book, as they used that book in her hospital at the time. I do know that there is a newer edition of the book. The NICU also gave me a pamphlet on the premature baby (it's packed so I don't have a title). And finally, the funeral home gave me a pamphlet entitled "When Hello Means Goodbye." 
"The Premature Baby Book" and "When Hello Means Goodbye" both have references and lists of organizations to contact for further help, information and support. And of course, unlike 15 years ago, many hospitals now sponsor support groups. 

As far as grief, it is something I tell all the moms in the same situation, I've met since then, immediately it's not a major problem. Shock, your physical situation (I was recovering from an infection and placental abruption - which led to the premature birth) and all the necessary arrangements kept me busy enough that I did not have much time to dwell on the grief and loss. It struck full force about a month later, when everyone 'expected' me to be over 'it' and moving on with my life.

Also it impacted hardily when I became pregnant again. I was extremely detached during the subsequent pregnancy as I had been so greatly attached to the previous expected baby. Then of course, guilt set in that I had somehow caused all of my new son's problems by being so detached to the pregnancy. It was a complicated pregnancy which ended up having to be induced and he is my child who is 'wired' differently.

So I guess (long windedly) I am trying to say, that it is a very complicated issue and like all aspects of pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding - just another area that we need to be educated in and understand that there are a variety of reactions and ways to help, support and assist in the situation.

Please share with the group, any material you do come accross or use, as I am sure there are others like myself who occassionaly need the material and are not up-to-date or have the resouces on hand.

Leslie Ward
Fort Hood, TX

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