RE: expectant mom who lost 1st child to "BF failure":
"I know she is planning to feed ABM and I understand her reasoning, but I
would love her to put this one to breast with very close supervision.  She
feels as if she is such a failure
and harbors enormous guilt over the death of her last child.  This could be
such a healing.  Am I way out of line? "

What an utterly heartbreaking story! Tina, I don't know *what* I would do; I
guess it depends on how able you feel to bring this up with the mother. I
can only imagine that she would still be grieving, and somewhat ambivalent
about this new baby. I guess that all you can do is make yourself open to
her, and extend yourself to her in a way that is genuinely completely
accepting of her decision about how she will feed this new baby.

If you think she is open to you at all, you might make an opportunity to
share with her, privately, of course, your belief that nursing this baby
might help to heal some of her pain and grief and guilt. I'd only suggest
this if YOU are *truly* able to just hear her and accept her choice without
judgment. If you have doubts about your ability to do this, don't even try!
This mother needs your support all the way, much more than she needs even
the best-intentioned BFing talk.

And you might find a way to let her know that she has an open window of
opportunity even after the baby is born - she may find that she wants to
nurse the baby, once the baby is actually here, and lots of people really
don't know that they don't have to decide ahead of time. So be sure she's
aware of that.

My heart is with this poor soul - I can't even imagine what this must be
like for her!

Cathy Bargar RN, IBCLC Ithaca NY

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