Today I opened my e-mail and the ready only these first two topic out of
the last 4 postings (will go back and read the rest after this
communication).
Re: "Playing Nice". Kathleen, I was so glad to see you write such a
nicely worded reminder which points to the professional as well as
general good manners by which we should conduct and express ourselves on
Lactnet (as well as *any* social situation). I have been bothered by
some of the various attacks I have read. I agree that differences one
has with a collegue, author, etc., should be communicated with that
person, and in a manner which respects that person's right to hold his
or her own opinion. Lively dialogue on issues do not have to become
ugly and practically slanderous. I, perhaps, to some degree have been
guiltly of this (I have had some "prickly" feelings about the way some
breast pump companies have conducted business, and may have expressed it
more strongly than I needed to in previous postings), and thus
apologize.
Now, re: "Christian Parenting". My friend, you have basically asked a
wide variety of people, some of which who hold to the Christian faith,
to describe something similar to the way the old story tells of how
several blind men, positioned at various places around an elephant,
reach out and touch and describe that elephant according to their
position and perception of the part they are touching.
Because Christians are fragmented into a variety of denominations, and
because "Christianity" can be described in so many ways by people,
whatever their personal spriritual experience or non-experience, you
will likely receive quite a few and varying responses on this one. And,
like the blind men, when they described the elephant, there may develop
quite an argument about what "Christian parenting" really is. I will
try to explain it from my own scope of reference. From all of the
forthcoming posts, you willonly get a sense of the range of beliefs,
some quite heart felt, some "scholarly", but probably nothing totally
definitive, especially when discussing any specific parenting practices.
Providing some background concepts and terminology will take me a little
(i.e. "lot of") time, but I think it is crucial to understanding some of
the diversity of thought on this subject. I also realize that what I am
about to write will anger some, be tolerated by others as "my right to
my beliefs", and accepted by a few, and that I am opening my self to all
sorts of criticism. Please understand my heart is to answer this
question of "What is Christian parenting" the best way that *I* know
how.
From a general perspective, christian parenting is the attempt by a
believer to parent his/her children according to Scriptural principles
on parent-child interaction and also principles which teach attributes
like moral behavior, wisdom, the meaning of the family, society, and
even life from God's perspective, etc. (not light stuff).
The challenge for the believer is know exactly what is being taught in
Scripture or to "rightly 'divide' the word of truth" (II Timothy 2:15).
The Bible declares itself to be a book which is spiritually discerned (I
Corinthians 2:14), meaning only those who are *true* (as defined by
Scripture) believers have the means to understand it, and with that
ability quite often some serious study is required. Even this does not
always prevent dissimilar opinions among Christians, for a variety of
reasons. Bear with me as I attempt to make this concept clearer.
The non-believer can be defined by Scripture as one who has not come to
the realization that he is alienated from God because of his sin, and
that his only hope of reconcilation to God is through the person and
work of Jesus Christ on the cross. Through Christ alone one can have
all of his sins forgiven and have a personal relationship with God (John
14:6). While it is common to hear in today's culture that all religions
are equally acceptable to man and to God, Jesus stated "I am the way,
the truth and the life; no man comes to the Father but by me." (John
14:6). This exclusivity often generates intense feelings among those in
our society who do not accept, or perhaps fully understand this teaching
of His, just as it did in the society in which he lived. Not everyone
who claims to be, sincerely or not, of the Christian faith has, as
Scripture states "been regenerated" or "born again". These are
theological terms which depict the Spirit of God's work of bringing a
person from spiritual death (alienation from God) to spiritual life
(reconciliation to God resulting in eternal life -- John 3:1-16, II
Corinthians 5:18-21). This is simply because the belief which results
in Scriptural Christianity is not an intellectual assent to the work of
Christ on Earth (the basis on which some call themselves "Christians"),
but also incorporates an acknowledgement that recognizes that without
total dependence on the person and work of Christ, with no dependence on
ones own efforts (or "works") to earn salvation, one can not be "born
again", and thus become a Christian in the sense that Scripture teaches
(Ephesian 2:8 & 9).
All of that was to say this. Since Scripture claims to be correctly
interpretable only through 1) the work of the Holy Spirit enlightening a
true believer and 2) through intense study by the believer, with the
help of the Holy Spirit, and fairly often further assistance from more
mature Christians or those with a special calling from God to study and
teach (pastor-teachers, etc.) the first requirement for Christian
Parenting would be parents and/or teachers who are in the spiritual
position to learn what God means in His word, i.e. are "spiritually
alive" so that "spirtual discernment" can take place. The implication
is that authors of books dealing with Christian Parenting philosophy
should be Christians. I am familiar with three such authors. The
Sears, the Ezzos, and Dr. Grace Ketterman. I am sure that there are
others.
One only has to read the works of these authors to see areas of
diversity. One can also see, over time, changes in some conclusions
reached by these authors. I have no reason to question the claim of
Christianity of any of these authors. According to the promises in the
Bible, and the personal testimony of each, I fully expect to see all of
them in Heaven. (By now you have probably guessed that I am a
Christian.)
Each writer, based on his or her personal relationship with Christ, the
experiences each has had, the degree to which each views the authority
of Scripture and its impact on philosphy, science, and day to day
practical living, and the understanding of Scripture each has developed,
advises parents accordingly. It should be up to the individual
Christian or non-Christian parents examining these teachings to decide
which lines up best with his or her own beliefs regarding the teachings
of Scripture.
Even Christians are fallible or able to make mistakes. I doubt that any
of these and other Christian parenting advisors are absolutely right in
every suggestion, words of advice, teaching, etc. Even though I
personally believe that as Creator and Sovreign God of the Universe,
God has the answers, I know I don't have all the answers, and I doubt
any of us could make that claim. Personally, I try to examine
situations, decisions, etc. in light of Scripture. Sometimes I am
assured that what I am doing is right. Somtimes, I am doing what I
*think* is right, but I might still be doing that thing "incorrectly" as
compared to what God would direct, yet I still don't know.
There are a few thoughts related to this topic which I have developed
over the past few years and would like to share as "food for thought":
1. As professionals, we are taught to respect the cultural and
religious values and beliefs of others. I have seen some great respect
shown in some instances over the years, and have also witness great
disrespect in others. To the Kathleens, again, I appreciate your
reminder of our professional obligation to remember this.
2. We are in most cases, certified as breastfeeding counselors, NOT
parenting experts. Those among us who are credentialed in parental
counseling will probably agree that there are many approaches and
philosophies woven through this discipline. While, as breastfeeding
experts we also tend to be very family oriented and passionate about our
individual and to some degree, collective views, we must be very careful
to work with our clients in a way which "meets them where they are", and
not feel the need to submit them to our personal parenting philosophies,
unless asked to do so. This is a fine line and sometimes difficult to
do. We are in a position to help women, whatever their cultural or
religious background, breasteed their children in such a way which *at
least* supports the practice of successful (I still have a hard time
with that term) breastfeeding, i.e. seeing a child which receives milk
from his mother's breast, growing in a pattern which is safe and healthy
and a mother who is comfortable with breastfeeding, physically,
emotionally, and yes, even spiritually. When working with a mother, we
should be careful to explain techniques and options based on good
science, and acknowledge when philosophy or limited science comes into
play in our advice-giving. We should also help her feel that we accept
*her*, whatever her value system. We can not help her by alienating her
by ridiculing or aggressively confronting her values or mothering
choices. At times, we do have to present breastfeeding information
directly, based on the general consensus of the scientific, medical, and
lactation community, at least where it intersects. But it should also
be objective, especially when the mother comes from a belief system not
our own.
3. Generally, breastfeeding is only a *part* of any Christian
parenting program. Much advice is given on many other aspects of
parenting. Again, information in all these areas can vary, yet each
author, like *any* author is sharing his or her heart about their
personal beliefs, usually back by their personal view of Scripture,
philosophy of study, and experiences. It is only logical that each will
teach his or her concept of Christian parenting from individual belief
of what Christian parenting is. Like many other areas of study,
diversity *will* exist. People *will* select "camps" or derive their
own thoughts and practices from what they read. I think there is room
for some flexibility on our part. We may not agree with the information
given by an author, and in certain circumstances, may have the
opportunity to enter into "lively discussion" about these areas of
difference, but, again, as professionals, we need to acknowledge the
authors' right to learn and grow, just as we enjoy our own.
4. If we have serious concerns, we should take them up with the
author, but in an attitude of kindness and concern...and perhaps even a
willingness to listen carefully and consider what is said, search it
out, and come to a personal conclusion, based on the additional
information. A timely example is the debate on nipple shields. We will
only grow professionally and have a chance to find the "truth" if we
remain open to learning, listening, considering and evaluating before
deciding.
Even though this posting is extremely long, I hope it sheds some light
on at least one perspective of "playing nice" and "Christian parenting".
I do not plan to "take on" any of you and try to argue the thoughts I
have presented here. I realize such a posting will most likely generate
controversy. I hope it will also generate a commitment to show respect
to those who do not see everything the same way as "we" do. I look
forward to reading your thoughts.....but, to those who disagree, let's,
as professionals, agree to disagree and continue to serve the needs of
breastfeeding mothers and babies, as collegues with a variety of gifts,
strengths, weaknesses, and personal values and philosophies, as we
continue to grow in our roles as *lactation consultants.*
Sandy Hess
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