I noticed that several people have made reference to sending their formerly
breastfed baby, now seemingly grown up teen to college, and the feelings this
evolved. I am no expert, but am working my way through this. I had some
practice when we sent my daughter to boarding school but that seemed
different, less permanent. I have been doing alot of soul searching, trying
to see if I did "everything" right, what I forgot to do, etc in raising my
children. My second child is now a senior so we are getting ready for him to
leave next summer.
These are the things I have learned/observed/felt:
It is like weaning a toddler from the breast. You have to find substitutes
for Mom to lavish her attention on. It helped that I had returned to college
and was involved in school work myself.
You have to realize that as a parent there are no flashing red lights that
go off when you have hit the right answer. How many times did I say that in
BFing classes for prenatals!! I don't know how well I prepared her for life.
Just like Bfing, I jumped off the cliff and "just did what felt right" and
hoped and prayed that what we did as parents was the best for our family.
I had to wean away slowly. I couldn't call or email everyday, because she had
to feel independent without feeling Mom was checking in. I also didn't want
her to feel that I was dependent on her for my happiness in life. What's that
saying, "Don't offer but don't refuse"? I sometimes lay awake at night
wondering what' s she doing, is she safe, and when the phone rings, my heart
leaps. My Mom had told me that a mother never sleeps through the night again
and how true I have found that to be.
There will be some things that she does that you DON'T want to know about.
Remember your college days. Don't pry, let her have some privacy, and some
independence to make her own experiences and mistakes.
Enjoy this new phase of your life. Rediscover your husband, friends and
family. My Dh is certainly enjoying the new attention that he's getting. We
still have a 10 yr old along with the 17 yr old, but we find ourselves alone
sometimes for dinner or for the evening. Once this summer both of them were
gone for an entire week. It was like going out that first time after the
baby--we talked about the kids for awhile but slowly discovered that the kids
didn't have to be the center of every conversation.
Find a support system. Remember how important LLL was when you were
discovering how to BF? Support can help ease the feelings that you are
experiencing now. All those LLL babies are now going to college and I rejoice
to see how many scholarships and awards they are winning! Hooray for BFing!
Barbara Whitehead, IBCLC
Ayden NC
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