I have had a few moms who were placing their babies for adoption come
through my (Bradley) childbirth classes, in which I include and emphasize
parental responsibility, the building of relationships in addition to
unmedicated and unmechanized labor and birth.  One could wonder why a women
would choose to put out so much effort and open up her heart so much at this
time.

I have always asked these mom this question and while the answers vary, most
say that it is all that they can do for these babies, that it is better and
healthier for the babies and for themselves, that this will define their
memory of this baby and they want it to be filled with effort and love so
that they can have peace of mind about all the choices that they actively
made.  Incredible and courageous.

My question is why do we as a culture, typified by the Official, always try
to avoid our emotional experience.  Why should we try to minimize the grief
experience at the expense of the participants?  Are we looking at short term
or long term grieving? Saying goodbye is very hard.  We used to not permit
women to see their babies who had died.  We used to exclude children from
funerals and mourning.  So it would be easier.  For whom?  We are avoiding
acknowledging these emotions instead of dealing with them.

Why do we project our needs onto others without listening and supporting.
Is it cultural, or is it the inertia of the bureaucracy such that we can no
longer see the needs of the individual women and  children?  Or is it that
we have lost the ability to acknowledge the needs, choices or care for
individual women and  children?  Or do we not want to take the time and
effort to give the support that is really needed.

Sorry, just angry at the system that keeps rolling over people.

Joanne McCrory