Interesting to see this brought up. I am the mother of now 20 month old
triplets born at 33+2 weeks. I have two boys and a girl, Caleb, Amy and
Riley. Caleb was 4#7oz at birth, Amy was 2#14oz, and Riley was 4#13oz at
birth. The boys being bigger came home at 2 weeks and Amy came home at 3
weeks from the NICU. None of them ever required oxygen and their NICU
course was all about feeding and growing, nothing complicated by the grace
of God. I am a pediatric and former NICU nurse and I was working to take my
IBCLC exam when my babies were born (lots of time to study with 13 1/2 weeks
bedrest).
Anyway, my boys were hardy breastfeeders. They loved it, and started
breastfeeding well at one week of age and were breastfeeding exclusively
when they came home from the hospital. Amy, my little peanut, had a much
harder time breastfeeding. She had some classic nipple confusion. I
continued working with her in the NICU with moderate success. I suspected
she would take off after getting home, but this was not the case. She often
refused the breast in the beginning and I wound up pumping for her. I was
very diligent about trying, and would always try to feed her first before
the hungry boys gobbled up all the milk they could possibly keep down. No
success. Around 6 weeks, though, she came around and started to breastfeed
much more frequently. It was interesting, though, that in the beginning her
Dad ended up feeding her a bottle of EMM (expressed mother's milk) while I
fed the boys. This was fine with me. We were doing 24 - 30 feedings a day
and I was often glad to have the help. After she started to breastfeed
well, though, I found it remarkable that she would not feed at the breast if
she heard her Daddy home. She knew (even before she was even term) that if
she refused to breastfeed, then Daddy would give her a bottle, and she loved
her Daddy.
Did I wish we had a more "perfect" experience? Of course, but I was proud
that she got as much breast milk as she did. She received much more
breastmilk that most American children. At 10 months, she went on a
nursing strike that she did not come out of. I continued pumping for her
until she was 14 months old. I believe if she were not a triplet, we would
have resolved the breastfeeding issues had she been my sole focus. We have
a wonderful bond, and she loves "Mama." Daddy continues to be a pure
delight to her, and I find that wonderful, too.
My opinion is this, mother's of multiples are trying to cope with a
situation that is not easy. It may seem a relief to this mother that Dad
will be helping her with many of the feedings. I would continue to support
her need to work with her other child with breastfeeding. Perhaps there is
another twin Mom you have worked with who has successfully tandem fed that
she could talk to. Emphasize to her how EASY it is to breastfeed in the
middle of the night or during the day after hubby returns to work compared
to all of the work of pumping and preparing bottles. Let her know your
concerns about
the possibility of bonding with one baby more than the other, but do it
gently, without condemnation. She might not have thought about this before
as she is probably still in shock and recovering from bedrest and a preterm
delivery. Talk to Dad, too, so that she might have increased support for
working to breastfeed the "not as interested" baby. His support will
probably be crucial in making this happen.
Please keep us posted. Also, Karen Gromada, I would be very interested in
seeing your research or data on parental preferences to one baby over
another in mothers of multiples. I teach many parents of multiples and talk
with other mother's of multiples every day, and do not recall ever seeing
this problem. I know we all as parents of multiple children, no matter what
the spacing (2 minutes or 2 years), may favor one child over another from
time to time especially if one is being wonderfully behaved and another is
being a "stinker," but this is a temporary reaction. I often find myself
especially enamored with one of my children one week, but the next week find
myself enamored with another. They all get my unconditional love every day,
and the commitment to each child is evenly spread.
Anne Nans, RN, IBCLC (very part-time)
Fredericksburg, VA
Mom to Caleb, Amy and Riley 12/17/98 and #4 due 12/6/00
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