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Subject:
From:
Sam Doak <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Tue, 3 Oct 2006 09:24:42 -0400
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<<  Denial ++ but I am puzzzling as to why. These women express a wish to
breastfeed but quickly stop despite lengthy teaching and support. The
patient then seems to create another reason for quitting in her mind - maybe
to appease her concience.>>

Saving face. By "creating" another reality, they have been able to save
face, and prevent their own humiliation. If they were to say, "Oh, I didn't
want to do this." or "Oh, that's gross." it would have branded them "bad
mothers" in many minds. By saying, "I didn't have any milk!" whether or not
it held truth, outside of you, there is really no witness, so they tried,
but it didn't work out.

I had a mother a few years ago whose baby was termed a FTT. She would call
me, just to visit, and her baby would be screaming in the other room. She'd
call, and say that her baby was not gaining, and he would be screaming in
the other room. She'd call, and tell me that her baby was losing weight, and
he would be wimpering in his car seat. She was dripping milk, but would
insist that she had no milk.

My truth was, she would not pick up and feed this baby. Her truth was she
had no milk. Once she switched to formula, her husband could feed the baby.
She saved face because on formula, the baby gained weight, on breastmilk, he
was dying.

My reality would have caused shame for this mother. Her reality saved face
and even allows her the freedom to condemn breastfeeding to this day. Her
reality will (hopefully) save me a lot of time and frustration when she has
her next baby....

Best wishes,
Heather "Sam" Doak
also wondering about ~~the exam~~


  Nothing that I can say changes their minds.

  I am also coming across patients who want to pump and feed their babies
breastmilk from a bottle. This seems to me a very time consuming method of
feeding the baby that is also doomed to fail because the supply will not be
adequate for very long. These moms deny any history of sexual abuse. The
benefits associated with breastmilk are obviously on their minds but they
shudder at the notion of actually putting their child to their breasts.
  I find this interesting.

  I live in a small town in SW Virginia that is a very socially deprived in
places.
  I always mention that breastmilk is the 'ultimate convenience food' to my
moms. No mixing, no warming, no sterilizing, no buying, no bother.
  When I comment on the cost of formula they just shrug and reply that they
"have WIC".
  <sigh>
  Julie Taylor
  ( hoping to be IBCLC in 16 days!)




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