Great post, Diana!
I often say: "What a clever baby you have, preferring you to a bottle!
Regard that a very big compliment! It's obvious that s/he likes you best."
I then continue to say that I am well aware of the fact that that does not
solve the problem at hand, but that it is important to first determine what
and where the problem is.
A baby not wanting a bottle (I would like to encourage abandonment of the
term 'refusing a bottle', which sort of implies sabotaging behaviour on the
baby's behalf, which is utter nonsense) is a parent-problem, not a
baby-issue. A baby has nothing to gain from drinking from a bottle; it would
be better off at breast. Bottle feeding (regardless what is in it) is
something a parent wants, in order to maintain the daily routine like it was
before the baby was born. Bringing in a salary may in the long run be in the
baby's interest, but mom being away, is not in the interest of the baby's
biologic needs and not according to his intrinsic expectations. That may not
be what parents like to hear, but it is true nevertheless. It seems to me
that it is up to us to explain that to parents in a way they can understand
and accept it and that makes them empathize with their newborn. I've done it
often; it's not that hard, with a nice bit of humour added. ;o))

Kindly,

Marianne Vanderveen, Netherlands

----- Original Message -----
From: "Diana Cassar-Uhl" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Wednesday, July 23, 2008 5:51 AM
Subject: Re: [LACTNET] baby who won't take a bottle


>
> Hello,
>
> I have to admit I was a little shocked and also a bit offended by this
> statement:
>
> "So, I kinda feel baby has other issues and that is why she is being so
> stubborn to take a bottle."
>
> While I fully understand the spirit in which this statement was made, I am
> sad to see that society's attitudes are so pervasive that even our own
> IBCLCs are affected.  I do not believe that a baby who feeds well in the
> *biologically normal* manner "has issues" at all.  I also do not believe
> that calling this baby "stubborn" is appropriate -- the baby knows how to
> eat as she was designed to do!   Why is she "stubborn" for not wanting a
> synthetic vessel from a stranger (experienced as you may be) in place of
> her
> warm, yummy mommy?
>
> My upset is *not* about whether a mother can/should separate from her baby
> because of work.  I fully understand that there are, at times,
> circumstances
> which cannot be mitigated and sometimes, mothers have to leave their
> babies.
> However, to place the blame on the baby for not readily adapting to this
> circumstance -- this unnatural, flawed-society-driven circumstance -- that
> just doesn't seem right to me.
>
> New mothers who seek help with lactation are in a very vulnerable
> position.
> They want what's best for their babies.  If anyone had presented my choice
> to breastfeed as "the problem" when my baby wouldn't accept a bottle, I
> would have felt seriously undermined.  Thankfully, my La Leche League
> Leader
> let me know my baby was normal and right to prefer me over that bottle!
> She
> empathized with me and helped me brainstorm ways to meet my baby's need
> for
> food (as well as her need for my presence, which for a tiny baby, is one
> and
> the same as the need for food) despite my return to work.  She didn't tell
> me my baby had issues, and she celebrated that my baby demonstrated a
> preference for breastfeeding -- she told me it's better to have a baby who
> won't take a bottle than one who won't take a breast.  Far too often,
> mothers abandon breastfeeding when a baby really *does* "have issues" that
> we might be able to help overcome...our society accepts bottlefeeding as
> the
> "easy out."  If mothers struggled as hard to get "stubborn" babies to the
> breast as they work to get them to take a bottle, we'd all be a lot busier
> and hopefully, more mothers and babies would succeed.  Sadly, it is our
> society that has conditioned us to believe a baby "has issues" if she
> won't
> accept a bottle.  Let's keep working together to turn the tide!
> Breastfeeding is normal!
>
> --Diana in NY (Karen Rotondi, if you're out there, I still thank you every
> day!)
>
>
>
>
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