FYI
At the Office by Lona O'Connor
A mother's example of persistence teaches you to try, try, try

Maybe you think I spend an awful lot of time in this column goading you to
start something new - a more challenging job, a high-profile project, a
transfer to a better department - because it's much easier to stay stuck in
a rut than to move on to more challenging work.

Improving your situation is risky and uncomfortable - that's why they
invented the phrase "growing pains".  But I sometimes forget how hard it
must be when you actually follow through on that advice.  Fear of the
unknown can be debilitating.  So I'm offering a pocket guide for getting
through a major change.  Let's talk about breast-feeding for a minute.

Please, bear with me.  This is relevant, I swear.  Nurses and lactation
coaches will tell you that a huge percentage of women give up on
breast-feeding during the first week.  Why is that? Everybody tells you
it's the most natural thing in the world, so how hard could it be?  Well,
it is very hard if you've never done it before, or if your baby doesn't get
the hang of it right away.  So unless you are lucky enough to get some
guidance, you become exasperated and quit.

How many times have you not even applied for a good job because you had
already convinced yourself you wouldn't get it?  Those who do succeed at
breast-feeding follow exactly the same procedure you should follow to excel
at any new endeavor.  Lets have a look:

.They'll do it because it's the right thing to do. Knowing you are doing
something valuable will sustain you through self-doubt, pain, and any other
obstacles thrown in your path.

.They get good advice.  If you can find somebody who has already done what
you are trying to do - a mentor, a role model - and seek advice, you will
avoid some of the most obvivous pitfalls.

.They just keep going.  In one of my daughter's storybooks, there is a
place called the Valley of Insults.  People you hate are taunting you with
your greatest insecurities.  And the only way to get through the Valley of
Insults is not to turn and look back at your tormentors - after all, they
are really only your own voice, aren't they?  The way out of the Valley is
to keep your eyes on the goal and not stop for anything.

.They don't let setbacks, discouragement, or lack of support stop them from
what they are doing.  Since only a small percentage of women breast-feed,
they often have to be their own cheerleaders and coaches.  In some cases,
even their own mothers can't offer them advice.  And people who grow in
their work, who push themselves to greater challenges, are unfortunately
rare, too. So despite your best efforts, you may not always have a shoulder
to cry on.  If you follow the first item, you already know why you are
doing something that is difficult.  So when you are getting no
encouragement from the outside, remind yourself of why.  Be your own
cheerleader.

.They recall past successes for comfort.  OK, so if you're new at
breast-feeding, you don't have any past successes at that.  But you surely
have been successful at something that you have never done before.

Before you're in a crisis of confidence, make a list of your successes,
those accomplishments you are proud of.  Dig deep - all the way back to
learning to tie your shoes, if necessary - because there will be days so
demoralizing that you will need to recall every tough battle you have ever
won.

-write to Lona O'Connor at the Inquirer, Box 8263, Philadelphia PA 19101.
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WOW!  Sincerely, Pat in SNJ