Dear all:

First, let me make it clear that I fully understand and appreciate the time and energy that 
oru Listmothers spend monitoring the list.  As Rachel pointed out, this is an "opportunity 
cost".  Whenever you donate your time, you are not spending your time doing something 
that could potentially earn money.  Sometimes the value of that donated time exceeds 
that of money.  Nevertheless IBCLCs (even in Manhattan) hardly make lots of money so 
those of us who live in a capitalistic society which most of us do to some extent, have to 
weigh and balance our time so we earn enough to live.

Second, Lee Galasso's comments and some comments about what Diane Wiesseninger 
said that I haven't read yet in the original form.  got me thinking.  Thinking enough to 
come out of lurkdom for a brief moment (my opportunity cost right now is whether or not 
it is worth taking away time from doing taxes).  

Lee spoke about the time and energy trying to convince others and as I understand Diane 
made comments about honing our arguments.  I myself was once accused and told to 
stop trying to "convince me to..." with my posts.  Quite frankly, I was shocked because I 
thought I was in conversation hashing out ways of thinking about a particular topic.  It 
never dawned on me that this particular person would think that it was my mission to 
specifically convince her to change her ways.  Consider my ideas, mull them over, and 
then form an opinion about my ideas --- positive, negative or indifferent, yes.  The 
concept of "honing" however really resonated with me because that's what I do --- hone 
my thoughts based on a dialogue with others.  I learn in this way.  If someone else learns 
a little from me, that's great, but if not, at least I've picked up some ideas from them.

In thinking about Lee's comments - it dawned on me however, that we really often react 
as if we are the outsiders because of the cultural break with a normal human function of 
fundamental importance.  Hence, it is normal for many of us to feel at times that we 
need to be on a mission to convince others.  We are the underdogs and passionate at 
times.  And sometimes passionate with each other.  When that passion becomes 
overwhelming, however, I would suggest to take a step back and realize that the other 
person who just doesn't seem to get it, may never get it because they have a different 
world view.  Take a break.  You may have convinced many others on Lactnet or given 
them some ideas or even if you haven't done that you may have crystalized your own 
thought process.  You don't have to convince everyone and if what they write upsets you 
--- skip their posts until you get to the point where you feel you can cope with "honing" 
your arguments.  And even then you may not convince that person.

Finally, I know the Listmothers work hard, I know that am not privy to all that they have 
to go through, all the messages they get and the time it takes to work on keeping the 
community civil.  So, this is meant in no disrespect to the decisions that they make.

It took me a while to get into lactnet this morning.  I finally hit this huge message that 
was a long list of not to dos with the messages about legal liability and lawsuits etc.  This 
deeply saddened me to see this long list.  

Reading this, I thought back on the time that I was accused to the listmothers of writing 
things on Lactnet that I never wrote.  Moreover, I was not only accused of writing 
something I didn't, but of being responsible for a hot debate that followed.   Reading this 
list of "not to dos" I certainly could have interpreted that action as some sort of libel or 
slaunder.  But what would that have accomplished?  Did this person really truly harm me 
in any way?  Certainly not monetarily and, in my case, she didn't impinge on my right to 
"freedom of speech".  Yes, I was upset about this, BUT these were my own emotions and 
not something that this particular person is truly responsible for.  Will I ever convince this 
person that I didn't write what she thinks I did or that the posts that followed were really 
the responsibility of those posters?  Probably never and she has a right to her own 
opinion and I would certainly defend that right.  Should she have written the listmothers?  
As far as I'm concerned she had that right.  I feel this way even though the accusations 
were extremely strong and not backed up by the physical evidence of what I wrote.

In addition to feeling sad that there are voices that will be silenced because they do not 
fit in with what the majority considers appropriate behavior, I was especially saddened to 
see the admonishment that we cannot discuss problems with products. I know we have 
long had the rule that we shouldn't mention products by name but if it has come to the 
point that we cannot discuss the flaws in products to the point that we distinguish useful 
tools from unnecessary gadgets.  More and more we are left with a situation in which 
corporations can say anything they want under the guise of freedom of speech and 
anything that counters their view is deemed "libel".  This, I believe is truly dangerous and 
led to a situation in which it is becoming more difficult to be able to talk about the fact 
that many of us were fed something that carried more than a 20% higher risk of death 
and many babies continue to be fed this substance without suffering negative work or 
legal ramifications.  It makes me fear a time in which we might be held accountable for 
the things we say in the presence of all the "monitoring devices" in elevators, entryways, 
banks and the myriad of other places we are photographed and recorded on a daily basis.  
In Manhattan, I am sure you could piece together most of my day by using the monitoring 
cameras that are everywhere.

So, if you read an upsetting post --- if you consistently read something from one poster 
that upsets you, if you make no headway in changing the mind of that poster, I would 
suggest considering the following before going to the listmothers:

1) Is this person really saying something that is merely a perception of me that I don't 
like or is this person saying something that is verifiably false?
2) If it is the latter, will this comment have a measurably negative financial impact on 
me? 

Then, consider whether or not you can cope by simply ignoring the posts --- or taking a 
breather from the conversation.  There are some people with whom we are always going 
to disagree and there are some people who will not appreciate us ever no matter what 
we write or do.  And there are some people who have ways of stating things that will 
always upset us.

Best regards, Susan Burger
   

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