Hi, All
A few years ago a mother had a premature baby who was in our NICU with
multiple problems. She was grieving the loss of a lot of things - not the
least of which was a normal breastfeeding relationship with her baby. She
brought this in to us, framed and beautifully illustrated when she took the
baby home. I love it because one of my six children was born with a
disability. Thought you would enjoy it. We are using this as the theme and
title of our bereavement conference this week.
For those of you who haven't ever read this, enjoy.
WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by Emily Pert Kingsley
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a
disability - to try to help people understand it, to imagine how it would
feel. It's like this.....
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation
trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make wonderful plans.
The coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may
learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your
bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess
comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland.!
"HOLLAND!?!" you say. "What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy!
I'm supposed to be in Italy. all my life I've dreamed of going to Italy.
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and
there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible,
disgusting, filthy place full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just
a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new
language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never
have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than
Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath,
you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills.
Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all
bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of
your life, you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's
what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever go away, because the loss of
that dream is a very significant loss.
But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy,
you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things
about Holland.
Deanne Francis, NICU RN, IBCLC
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