I have to check in as totally disagreeing with the comment <but they
just don't have the intimate relationship with their baby that brings
them to the point where shared sleeps seems so advantageous and so
normal> I tried desperately to have #1 baby sleep in the same room with
me and I could not. I could not sleep, as I spent the time he was asleep
checking him to see if he was breathing (he has since day one, slept
like the 'dead'). It has nothing (with me) to do with any lack,
detachment or even a fear of intimacy. For some reason, I was very
hypervigilent with my first baby. Never had the problem with any of the
other three (even woke up one morning with a school age child asleep on
the floor next to the bed, a toddler and cat asleep on the foot of the
bed and the baby lying sideways between my hubby and I). Now they are
all gone from the family bed, even the dog has weaned from it!

One of the things I have learned in 44+ years of life, having 4 children
(same basic gene pool - so vastly different people) and working with
expectant and new moms for the past 9 years - making a conclusion based
on our own experience or the clients/friends/etc. we work with, is bound
to be proven not so true, as soon as we expound it.

I agree more with the cultural aspect of this issue, our society does
not 'officially' condone the family bed and so a lot of 'practicers' of
it (especially 24 years ago when my first was born) keep quiet about it.
I know that my family growing up was quite into helping us children get
to sleep, however was necessary. Also with 5 children and all the
cousins living within 5 miles - room sharing was the norm, it wasn't
until I was well into school that I had a room to myself on a continual
basis - in other words, I wasn't modeled to be a detached person/parent.
However the current culture at the time, was promoting somewhat detached
parenting. As I stated when I started this, I have no idea why I was so
hyperviligent with #1, and it didn't last. Go figure.

Leslie Ward
Vine Grove, KY

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