Rachel, you asked me in your post, "do I really think missing the
experience of breastfeeding is only comparable to a celibate marriage."
Yes, but you must realize that I was making a personal observation that
may or may not relate to other readers.  You ask about adoptive mothers
and people married with spinal injuries and go on to say, "We are
capable of loving and of mothering, without always, in every case
experiencing contact between erectile tissue and mucous membranes.." My
response to that is that I know many mothers who adopted babies and
breastfed them(maybe not totally but in my book I call it
breastfeeding).  And I have heard that people with spinal injuries have
sex.

Speaking for myself in regard to breastfeeding, I quit breastfeeding my
first child after 11 days of cracked and bleeding nipples.  I bottlefed
her exclusively for 2-3 weeks and then gradually went back to
breastfeeding.  While I bottlefed her, my response to her was markedly
different.  I was not so quick to answer her cries, I felt a strong loss
of connection to her.  It was only when I went back to breastfeeding
that I recognized that enormous difference in the way I felt.  It was
like a wall between us crumbled when we got back to breastfeeding.  I am
forever grateful for that experience(despite it being a absolute
nightmare in many ways).  In talking with other mothers who have gone
through similiar experiences, we share this common experience that
somehow breastfeeding feels different.  For me and for the women who
have shared similiar experiences with me, that skin-to-skin contact was
a vital ingredient in communicating with our infant...just as sex can be
a vital ingredient in communicating with a loving partner. Valerie W.
McClain, IBCLC

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