Pat has mentioned an important thing when she comments on the mother who was
reluctant to admit that anything was 'wrong' with her baby.
This is such difficult ground for us. All we want is for the mum and baby to
have a good breastfeeding relationship, and mums come to us when it isn't
working. At that stage, they can comfortably say "something I'm doing is
wrong, something is wrong with my supply or my nipples" - after all, baby
has been pronounced 'perfect' when he was born and she so much wants to have
a perfect baby.
Mums can usually admit that breastfeeding is a complex relationship and that
they both need to learn, but the thought that it is more than just a
learning process, that baby may not be 'normal' is a very scary idea. Even a
small defect in a new baby is cause for grieving - they have lost their
perfect child. As the child grows, the stick-out ears or funny looking feet
are forgotten in the realisation that everyone is different and that their
child is so precious to them. That's why it's OK to get spectacles at 6
months, or be in a brace to correct a head misshapen by irregular muscles,
but deny when a newborn there was a problem.
I'm certain that Pat would have used all her considerable talents to
persuade this mum to have her baby checked. Unfortunately, the mum has
experienced the consequences of denial and so has her baby. I hope that
everything works out well for this little one, maybe the gift was the start
of a new line of communication.
How do we approach a mother when we think that there is something major
wrong? What do we say so that mothers will seek the help that they need?
It's simple if there is an obvious problem and the parents are aware of it,
but when you are changing their perception of whether their baby is perfect
or not - how do all of you approach it?

Querida David IBCLC
NMAA Breastfeeding Counsellor
Alyangula. NT. Australia



-----Original Message-----
From: gima <[log in to unmask]>
Date: Saturday, 11 September 1999 2:48
Subject: I wish I had...


>I am writing a lot today, while I await a mom's call telling me whether she
>wants to continue working on breastfeeding or wants to "chicken out" and go
>to abm feeding. That's not nice, I know, but my ego is bruised this
>morning.  I worked her into a very hectic schedule yesterday and got the
>baby feeding well.  I called her in the late afternoon to see how things
>were going. and the four feedings of the day had gone well.  She cancelled
>today's appointment because everything was so good.
>
>Then last night at 10:00 she called on my home phone (I had turned off my
>bus. phone) and was in distress--engorged and wouldn't let down.  I gave
>her some suggestions and said that she should call me this morning.  She
>was angry that I wouldn't come out last night.  I have been known to go in
>the night, but just couldn't put one foot in front of the other last night.
>
>I called her this morning and she said that she decided to stop
>breastfeeding.  We talked for a bit, with my having her see how she will
>feel in a few days or weeks if she stops. She breastfed her two other
>children for 3 months each.
>
>She is talking it over with her husband and will call me back.  I don't
>expect a call.
>
>Well, that's not what I am writing about. I just wanted to share my
>frustration about a case that could have been so easily resolved.
>_____________________________________________________
>"I wish I had" case:
>
>I worked with a mother in February and March whose baby was having a
>difficult time feeding.  His suck was not strong.  She fed with a
>supplementer for a while, as she built up her milk supply.  Early on, I
>suggested that she have him evaluated by my OT who works with suck problems
>and who does Cranial Sacral work.  From the beginning the mother would
>never entertain the possibility that anything was "wrong" with her baby.
>She went to heroic measures to get her baby totally breastfeeding,
>including using breast compression throughout every feeding for the 5
>months that she fed him.
>
>She came by to bring me a gift last week, and baby had a strange head
>device.  She said that, as the months went on, his head became grossly
>misshapen and he was comfortable in only certain positions.  The Ped
>referred her to a physicial therapist who found that he had a distorted
>muscle in his neck that prevented flexibility and that his misshapen head
>was a result of that.  There is a new specially designed head brace that is
>re-shaping his head and they visit the PT regularly for work on his neck.
>If the therapy doesn't resolve the problem, surgery is recommended.
>
>He is 6 months old and is behind in motor development skills, caused by his
>constraints.
>
>I feel certain that his suckling problems reflected other physicial
>problems that could have been easily resolved in those early days,
>preventing this now-serious physicial condition.
>
>"I wish I had" spoken with more insistence to the parents and to the Ped in
>those early days about my strong feelings that there was a need for body
work.
>
>I won't be as "cooperative" next time. I try to respect the parents where
>they are and to remember that the baby is *their* baby.  And, of course, I
>don't know that they would have listened even if I had been really pushy.
>
>I am going to talk with the mother about having my OT see him even now.
>I'll bet there is something that could be done by her skilled hands that
>could prevent surgery. The mother has had to finally admit that her baby
>isn't "perfect" and she might continue to be resistent to my suggestions,
>but I will try.
>
>Pat Gima, IBCLC
>Milwaukee, Wisconsin
>
>
>mailto:[log in to unmask]
>

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