Mary Kay -

It sounds to me like you handled the situation, which sounds like a set-up
for real nastiness, absolutely perfectly! This discussion about co-sleeping
seems to be the *most* explosive hot-button issue for many, many people. I
think because it touches on everybody's deep-down-inside buried feelings of
somehow not having had "enough" as babies themselves - enough love, enough
closeness to their mothers, enough absolute and utter safety of the kind a
baby feels lying in the arms of its mother. Same reason I believe some
people get so bent out of shape about nursing in public, or breastfeeding as
an "issue" at all.

When I used to train peer counselors, I would deliberately bring up
co-sleeping; invariably, without exception, it would provoke a very heated
and wild and uncontrollable discussion among the trainees, who were all very
dedicated breastfeeding advocates and had no problems with other "hot" BF
topics like nsg toddlers, etc. After the dust had settled a little, I would
then use the discussion as an example of how strong people's convictions can
be, and how these things go beyond the realm of rationality right to our
core. I would try to use examples from the flurry over co-sleeping to
illustrate positive and negative communication patterns, and to demonstrate
the kind of intensity these issues can stir up among civilized, intelligent,
loving parents, and to bear our discussion in mind when working with others
whose "beliefs" about BFing "just don't make sense" to you.

So you did good, Mary Kay! It's so sad that the death of a baby has come
into this (even if, as is almost certainly the case, the nsg. in bed had
nothing whatsoever to do with the baby's death), but whether it looks like
it or not to you now, I'm sure your discussion was a learning opportunity
for those involved. Dear little baby - I'm sure the family who love it has
no idea that their baby has served as an occasion for this kind of
conversation.

And who would they have "blamed" if they baby had been formula-fed?

Cathy Bargar, RN, IBCLC Ithaca NY

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