Dear Maria, I agree with your statement about "reality checks" and driving
people away by being inflexible or super idealistic.
I've found that people grow into this whole thing and sometimes it takes a
few babies before they mother like I would really like to  see a baby
mothered.  My first experience with mothering and BF was less than ideal,
but I eventually got the knack of it!  We have to take people where they
are and help them learn what we already know, not shove it down their
throats as the "right" way.  There are lots of right ways for each person
and situation.  Sincerely, Pat in SNJ

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