Hi, All,
Carmen wrote about a mom with a young, well-gaining baby who is already
thinking about weaning.  I can relate to the frustrations, Carmen.  I also
run New Mothers Groups, breastfeeding support groups, etc. and I understand
how frustrating it can be (when someone doesn't feel the same why I do,
LOL).  I run groups in six week sessions, same moms/babies in each six week
group.  About three groups ago, I had the most challanging collection of
new moms yet.  They *know* when they register for my group that it is
partly a breastfeeding support group, and that I am a nurse and LC, I talk
to them all on the phone, often at length, before they register, and they
pay to come here.  My brochures do indicate I have a strong Attachment
Parenting bent, though some might not pick up on that.

So this group I'm referring to, on the first week, when we do
introductions, one mom speaks up (she actually had the oldest baby, three
months) and says that she's been breastfeeding but hates it, can't wait to
get her body back, is tired of having the kid hanging on her all day, wants
someone else to be able to feed, etc, and that she is planning to wean over
the next couple of weeks. Inside I am cringing, here she says this in a
room of eight other nursing moms... She was  very negative.  I gently
explore other options (pump and bottle feed, combine nursing and bottles of
formula, what specific things she finds most distasteful about nursing...)
but she is pretty clear and assertive that she is going to wean.  So, I go
on about all the wonderful benefits she has already given her baby, etc,
and that she may choose to wean slowly to make it easier or so she can keep
a nighttime feed or keep her options open if she changes her mind or if her
baby doesn't do well on the formula.

 So... on to the next woman, who also goes on to say how nursing is a pain
and tiring and she is thinking of giving a few bottles of formula a day for
"a break".. so we talk about that a bit, and the group goes on...  and I
have to say, this had to be the MOST NEGATIVE group I have had in a really
long time.  I don't know if it was just coincidence of the specific
collection of women, or if the first woman really set the tone for the
group, but it was really sad for me to watch them over the next six weeks
as one after another they weaned or began supplementing.  One of the actual
"breastfeeders" (!!!) with a seven week old baby asked me for pumping
instructions because her parents were coming in so she and her husband
could take a three day golf weekend on Cape Cod for their anniversary.  <sigh>

I do find that there is a lot of peer pressure/peer support in my groups.
When one or two of the moms buy a sling from me and start raving how
wonderful it is to the group, then all the gals in the group must use a
sling.  If a few vocal members advocate the family bed, or extend their
maternity leave, or talk about waiting until 6 months to give solids, that
often becomes the norm of that particular group.  So it is very distressing
to have a mom stand there very loudly talking about how much nursing really
stinks.  Even though several of the moms were very committed to
breastfeeding, I think the fact that by the end of the group, half the moms
were bottlefeeding (NOT the norm in my groups), they were more likely to
decide to supplement or give "relief" bottles, since it seemed like a
normal thing to do.

OH! And I forgot the reason why initially I was responding.  It was to tell
you about the most frustrating case I have had in a while, where this mom
actually suffered through six weeks of nursing (since the baby was born)
with nipple thrush in excruiating pain and could not get appropriate
treatment from a variety of care givers.  I met with her, heard her story,
and suggested the GV treatment.  Three days later she was CURED! and she
told me it was the first time *ever* she had been able to nurse without
pain.  Of course I am thrilled and beaming.  And then next week in group (a
different group than the one above) she says that even though the thrush is
gone and she is not in pain, she is just "not enjoying" nursing and has
decided to wean her eight week old. <me banging head on wall>.  Oh well.
What can you do?

I try to remember that thing about "different people have different ideas
about breastfeeding", and if someone nurses for eight weeks, to her, that's
breastfeeding.  She did it and should be complimented.  It's hard sometimes.
But inside I'm thinking to myself "and what if you decide you 'don't enjoy
bottlefeeding' or 'don't enjoy changing diapers' "?  It still needs to get
done.

NancyH
Nancy Holtzman RN BSN
Great Beginnings New Mothers Groups
Boston MA

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