I have found the posts on this topic most insightful.  I think that Diane's
post about all of the times that baby *can't* feed at the breast has merit.

I have worked with 2 mother/baby pairs lately where baby began to reject
the breast.  I asked one mother (of a 5 month old) where were places that
she "couldn't" feed him and would have to use a bottle of ebm.  She began
to name the places and they were numerous. He has had several nursing
strikes in his 5 months and most were after visits to Mom's parents' home.
Her mother is firmly opposed to her breastfeeding and she cannot feed him
there.

I have a feeling that if her first two boys weren't so allergic she
wouldn't be trying to breastfeed this one.  She says that the only person
who really encourages her in breastfeeding is I. I think that she quite
ambiguous about it and baby senses it.

The second mother went away for 27 hours and left ebm for her 4 months old
and when she returned he wouldn't feed unless he was asleep or just waking.
 She followed attempts at the breast with a bottle.

I asked both of these mothers about their "body feelings" when they were
putting the baby to breast and when they were bottle feeding.  You won't be
surprised at their answers.  First of all, they both felt personal
rejection.  When they picked up the baby and offered the breast they were
thinking, "Oh my, I wonder if he will do it this time. Why doesn't he want
to feed from me?"  Much tension and anxiety. When baby failed to feed at
the breast, mom got a bottle of ebm, closed up her breasts and *in a
relaxed manner* gave the bottle.  There was no tension of "Oh, I wonder if
he will do it this time. Why doesn't he want to feed from the bottle?"

Babies are smart.  They can sense when a mother is happily *engaged* in a
feeding at the breast.  It feels good to them.  But when mom is at ease
with the bottle and tense with breastfeeding, the latter doesn't feel as
good.  The *preference* is the relaxed, glad-I'm-doing-this mom.

This mother knows that she will be away two days a week in January and baby
MUST take a bottle.  She is so happy that he will take the bottle , because
she has heard of babies who won't. Not taking a bottle would be much more
distressing than not taking the breast. And baby has picked up some of this
evaluation. She has probably begun some detachment also.  The babysitter is
perhaps exhibiting more joy at seeing baby than mom is when she picks him
up.  I had one mom tell me that she didn't want to show so much enthusiasm
when she picked up her baby or he might not feel good about going back next
day.

She could do all of the things that would re-establish happy breastfeeding,
but it is probably in her mind, "But what if..."

I feel that she is overdoing the "trial visits" to the sitter. She could
cut back, if she doesn't want to eliminate them for a while. And 4 months
seems to be a very "touchy" time in several aspects of breastfeeding.
January and another month "under his belt" might be a different story.

These poor little ones are expected to be so adaptable.  "Nurse when I want
you to.  Don't want to nurse when I don't want you to.  Don't wean until
I'm ready.  Happily stop when I've had enough."

I worked with a woman a few years ago who was

 -going away for a week in March
 -wanted her 6 month old baby to resume breastfeeding when she returned
because
 -she was a teacher and wanted to feed during summer vacation but
 -wean in late August before the next school year.

She seemed to lack the understanding that he was a person, not a machine.
"Start.   Stop.   Start.   Stop."

If you keep in touch with this mother, please let us know how it works out.

Patricia Gima, IBCLC
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Upper Midwest, USA


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