I have to comment on this too. A few years ago while talking to my
eldest sister, she commented that she "didn't know anyone who did
*that*", meaning breastfeed. I mentioned that it was a good idea, and
her response was "well, there are certain advantages to living at the
end of the 20th Century.". I didn't worry too much because she was
never going to have children, but I thought she should know better as
she was getting a PhD in genetics and I thought it was a poor
attitude, so I sent a packet of information- a bit of scientific
literature, and a bit of mainstream press stuff.
Lo and behold, she got pregnant, told me in March and had her baby 6
weeks later. Yikes. Can you tell this sister cares about me and my
attitudes, if she didn't even bother to mention her pregnancy earlier?
Granted she was 40 at the time, but still.... Anyway, I sent her a
baby sling and a few other things, and tried calling for weeks to talk
to her about breastfeeding, but she didn't return my calls. Her
husband called me after the induced labor and c-section; I asked if
she was nursing and he said no, and we aren't going to talk about it.
(He has asthma, smokes sometimes, gets sick very easily.) (I even
tried to appeal to her snobbery (which can be vast) and point out that
educated prosperous women bf...)
I cried for three days about it, and in her case I believed that
getting that baby on the breast would make a huge difference.
Why? I had always acknowledged that we had grown up in an abusive
home, that she was deeply in denial, but also that she didn't get as
much of it as I did. We all know that breastfeeding mothers are less
likely to abuse their children than bottlefeeding ones.
Also, I realised because of the thought process I went through around
this issue, that *she* had sexually abused *me* during childhood! (If
you haven't been through something like that you probably don't
realise how possible it is to block out the memory.) I have had no
problems breastfeeding my girls, but she wouldn't even try. She knew
where to get assistance (I sent IBCLC phone numbers for her area to
her) and I had modeled bf'ing but she also has a tendencey to reject
what I do because I do it... (I have yet to see my nephew.)
Sorry this is so long, but yes, there are so many factors involved.
When we say "abuse" we think of victims and it's such a switch for all
of us to think of the perpetuator being so scarred that she won't even
talk about breastfeeding. I would have been thrilled if she had
breastfed for 6 hours, really. That would have meant she had
considered it.
If anyone of you have dealt with an abuser in denial, I'd like to
talk about it privately.
==
Kate Hallberg, mom to Ursula (11-23-94) and Sage (4-13-97)
Home page- http://www.cs.colorado.edu/~kolina
Temporarily in Palo Alto, CA
Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is,I used to, until she got an unlisted number. --Age 15 mailto:[log in to unmask]
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