dear mira,

it is refreshing to see your response, which is what i assume would and should
be the natural response of a sensible human about the babywise program "this
sounds like child abuse" and "hasn't someone sued over this?" i feel terrible
in general about my natural response to these questions, because it seems to
me that:

- americans do not value their children (just ask liz baldwin, she can give
you a great explanation about what this means in the judicial system)

- americans are afraid of their children, and the sort of natural dependency
that children display. since independence is an attribute of being american
than most people cannot achieve but place a high value on, this fear of
dependence is expressed as a laudable desire to create "independent" children.

- this false notion of independence allows people to feel okay about
abandoning their children in all the ways we americans view as reasonable -
cribs, inadequate day care, forcing non-separating children to separate, and
even by restricting physical expressions of love - breastfeeding especially
included. i read something saying that the french are more physically loving
to their children - hugs and kisses. it is a pathetically american habit for
men to be unable to hug or kiss their children, especially sons.

- now i consider myself an equity feminist, but the bad fallout of the
feminist movement includes a group of related and incredibly ridiculous
notions, which i am sure we all recognize: the devaluation of mothering and
the warehousing of children in substandard arrangements (if they weren't
substandard and if we really cared about our children, the daycare workers
would be paid far more than they are). this also devolves into the idea that
not only is it possible, but even optimal for children to "bond" to numerous
caregivers and not be "dependent" upon "just mothers" (see how we got back to
the dependence idea again).

being a grownup unfortunately makes me skeptical that anyplace else is
perfect, but i do definitely suspect that some places are at least better.

carol b.