I've been reading the posts on "breast envy" that some men seem to exhibit,
and am surprised that no one has mentioned the positive side of this. I've
watched young fathers as they watch their partners breastfeed their baby,
certainly I see envy, but I've never interpreted it as "breast envy". I see
their longing to experience the same closeness with their baby as the woman
is experiencing, what's wrong with that?
 I usually approach this issue before it happens (in prenatal class or if
mom isn't able to nurse right away, as with a C/S). First I describe
kangaroo care, how and why it was first developed, and the bonding aspects
experienced by both baby and parent. Then I share with the couple what I've
seen occur with other fathers who experience skin to skin contact with
their infants. I've had Dads "prime" a sleepy baby while mom was in the
tub, provide the needed contact of a loving parent while mom is getting
stitched up from a nasty tear or episiotomy (and is unable to focus on the
baby, or anything else for that matter), or find comfort in his infant
while they both deal with the anxiety and stress of an unexpected C/S
which, although over, leaves tears in it's wake.
There have been shy fathers, macho fathers, and indifferent (seemingly)
fathers; but with very little encouragement most of the Dads I work with
relish this experience. It is my personal belief that most men have
feelings similar to women, they just need "permission" to show those
feelings. We know that babies who experience the close physical contact of
breastfeeding experience less abandonment and abuse at the hands of their
mothers, so what about fathers? Wouldn't this hold true for them as well?
Sorry to be so long winded, this is one of my favorite issues.
Mary Anne B.