Dear Lactneters,
I don't know if any of you can help or if I just need to vent.
A little history - I have done daycare for a family for 3 years.  Their first
child nursed
VERY infrequently and for never more than 5 minutes and grew like a weed.  Got
EBM at my house.  Used a pacifier a lot but had lots of ear infections so they
wanted to avoid them with child 2.  He only nursed 6 months because after mom
went on a week long business trip he refused to nurse.  Child 2 arrived 6
weeks ago. She is a very "normal" breastfeeding baby.  Nurses at intervals and
duration that I consider normal, not high
need IMHO.  The first couple weeks she had green foamy watery explosive
stools.  I suggested she eliminate dairy.  She cut back and it helped.  Mom is
having a real hard time with  normal infant behavior.  Even after listening to
me for 3 years says things like "She can't be hungry again I just fed her an
hour ago" and "Shouldn't she be going longer than 2 hours between feedings by
this age"  Mom reports that the baby will only sleep
longer than an hour if she is in moms bed, BUT they did that with the first
one and he was still there at 2 so trying to avoid that.  This afternoon was
to be her first day at my house.  This morning the husband insisted they take
the baby to the dr. because she cries off and on from 9 pm to 1am then sleeps
5 hours, but only with mom.
Dad can't comfort baby and he is sure the baby hates him.  The dr. prescribed
an antacid for the baby, told the mom to leave the house in the evening so
that the baby will learn to like dad, to begin a bland diet today and if the
baby is not better by the weekend to give her only a hypoallergenic formula,
E****** N*********, over the weekend to see if it is something in the mothers
diet.  The mom and dad both have a real "I need time to myself everyday"
approach to my suggestions of accepting this baby where she is instead of
trying to fix her.  She asked me what I did with my babies if they didn't want
to be put down.  I told her I don't know what I would have done because I held
them, nursed them and slept with them from the beginning.  She just can't
believe I didn't resent there wanting me all day.  The dr. also thinks the mom
is being pressured to nurse.  I wonder who he would be refering to.  We have
had our run ins about "Babywise."  I try not to pressure but she knows my
point of view.  Mom got Ferbers book on the way home from the dr.  The baby
has been a real angel for me this afternoon. My mother would say, " Some women
want to have babies and some want to be mothers. And you can't make one group
be the other."  I think this may be a case of that.  She brought her 3 year
old to me everyday of maternity leave because she couldn't handle 2 kids.  My
co-Leaders think I am just to close and I should release this to the universe.
I sort of lost it today and told the mom that dad needs to grow up and put his
daughters needs ahead of his.  What do you suggest?