Jan writes about Patricia Love:
Hmmm -- an Ezzo clone??

If she was referring to writing a book without any scientific support or
citations, then yes.  If she was referring to their general approach to
childrearing, then no.  Actually, this book is quite well-written, and makes
MANY excellent points about bizarre family relationships that some people
have.  Most of it is about adult children who were treated, for example, as
"Daddy's little girl."  In one of the case studies, this adult woman
remembers her father telling her she was prettier and smarter than her
mother, that he preferred to spend time with her rather than his wife (her
mom) or her brother, who wasn't atheletic, like she was.  Or something like
that.  The father hogged all her time as a child -- she didn't have play
dates with friends her own age.  It got reallyb bad when she was a teenager
and *he* wanted to be the one to take her to football games, dances, to the
movies, etc.  He wouldn't let her go on dates with boys her own age.  He
never sexually abused her, but he did commit "emotional incest" as Patricia
Love describes it.  So -- she talks about some really weird behaviors and
relationships, and most of the book is about these things, and how to
overcome it, to face your parent(s) who did this to you, and to get on with
your own life.  BUT, there is that pesky list near the beginning of the
book, and no discussion of why she picked these things or how they might
lead to the later behaviors she describes (some of them were moms being
inappropriate).

Among other things on the list of warning signs were "Not letting the child
go on sleepovers" and "Not leaving the child with a babysitter" -- with no
discussion of how old the children might be.  Would you let your 6 month old
go on a sleepover at a friend's house?  Of course not.  Your 10 year old?
Sure.  Your three year old?  Maybe, maybe not.  Maybe not if they were still
nursing and sleeping with you!  Would you leave your 18 month old with a
babysitter?  I would.  But not my 1 month old, not on your life.  And one of
the items on the list is having stricter standards than community norms.
Well, yes, I do have stricter standards for my 16 year old than most of her
peers' parents do -- I don't let her go to mall until midnight on school
nights; I don't let her have sex with her boyfriend at my house; etc.  Does
that make *me* weird?

Anyway, just as the Ezzo phenomenon has hit various communities around the
country and around the world, be on the lookout for 'Emotional Incest'.  The
book was published in 1991, and I know she does presentations at
conferences.  She is a marriage and family therapist in Austin Texas.  I
sent her my stuff and she called and thanked me for the letter and reprints
and suggested we get together after she'd had a chance to read it all.  I
was supposed to call her back, but haven't.  She sounded reasonable on the
phone (my letter was extremely polite).





Katherine A. Dettwyler, Ph.D.
Texas A&M University