I would like to second Darillyn's concept of nursing as an unexpected
means of finding a path to healing past abuses. I, too, found
breastfeeding in particular, and mothering in general, to bring up past
issues which I then could take the opportunity to deal with. For me and
others of my friends, BF & mothering became a normalizing experience in
which we did not have to suffer from or reexperience past abuses, but
could take note of what had gone before, and take a big step toward
recreating our lives aright.
This is not to say that BF was done in order to create a therapeutic
opportunity for me or for others. On the contrary, it was done for its
own sake: for its nutritional, immunological, & attachment value for the
baby. But I was very fortunate in having the strength, ability,
guidance, and support necesary to deal with issues that arose, and so I
took the opportunity to do some work on myself that may have taken much
more time, had I not become a mother. I am grateful for the whole of my
experiences, because they have helped to make me who I am, have
strengthened me, and have inspired me to find ways of helping others.

How does this relate to our work with other mothers? Some are not ready
and cannot face the issues that BF brings up; they use artificial
feeding while we grieve for them and wish them well. Some are bewildered
as they struggle to BF and struggle to understand what is happening to
them; to those, we offer gentle guidance and lots of positive
reinforcement. Some are determined BFers, and are aware and courageous
enough to be able to clearly articulate their past & present
experiences; to them we offer a fully committed listening ear and
unconditional validation.

Deciding not to nurse or to wean early may be related to lots of factors
which many of us cannot even conceive. In my experience, domestic
violence is another of many hidden reasons why some mothers do not BF or
give up early. Extremely circumscribed & warped gender role stereotypes
is another underlying reason why many mothers "cannot." Tenderness &
sensitivity is the key to understanding how best to help all of our
mothers. And those who come to us for help are those who are most likely
to have the ability and the committment necessary to break the locks
that the socialization process and their past experiences hold on their
psyches.

Some articles from _Mothering_ magazine may be helpful to those who wish
to pursue this issue:

Ramberg, Louise. Healing the past. Mothering, Winter, 1988.
Lipp, Deborah. Mothering after incest. Mothering. Spring, 1992.
Napoli, Maryann. Memory loss: a survival response. Mothering.
Spring, 1992.
LeShan, Eda. Unfinished business. Mothering, Fall, 1990.
Albanese, Laurie L. Breaking taboo: helping domestic violence
victims.      Mothering, Spring, 1994.
Bassoff, Evelyn S. Healing love. Mothering, Spring 1991.
Mullen, Eileen. The meaning of no. Mothering, Fall, 1993.

Thanks to all of you for your committment to helping mothers and babies.

Strength and serenity to all,
from Liz Johnson, LLLL Worcester, MA