Reading this thread about nursing staff on power trips in NICUs and
maternity hospitals brought it all back to me about the births of my two
babies. Please indulge me while I share some personal experiences:-

My first was a routine, normal, hospital delivery (except that no birth
is "normal" - all births are miracles, IMHO). The midwife was excellent,
they didn't interfere in the birth process at all and they stuck to my
very comprehensive birthplan like glue. Emma was born after a long
labour with 2.75 hours 2nd stage, but I did it all "myself" with
virtually no drugs. Immediately she was born, she was wrapped in a towel
(it was cold) and given to me, but although I could have done, I did not
breastfeed her or even put her to the breast: neither she nor I were
interested. I felt too overwhelmed. It was over an hour later that a
nurse literally *forced* Emma to the breast (the RAM technique) and that
started the downward spiral. Emma fought like a tiger at the breast and
*would not* nurse. She still hadn't nursed 36 hours later and I was
bullied to give her a bottle of ABM, with stern warnings that I was
neglecting her and she would end up in NICU. I only resisted due to my
terror of anaphylaxis (several babies in my family have had this due to
ABM allergies) but dare not slept lest some interfering nurse caried out
her threat and bottle-fed Emma. One nurse threatened me with physically
removing my baby from me if I did not breastfeed her in the next half
hour:-( (has anyone tried getting a letdown with that kind of pressure?)
I only managed to get them off my back by lying that she had "just"
nursed every time they asked me and filling in fictious feeds on the
feeding chart (another mother told me that wouldn't let you go home
unless the baby nursed 20 minutes every four hours).

Eventually, I took Emma home (we hung around for hours waiting for
"permission" to leave), with her still not nursing more than seconds, in
the desperate hope that once home, the LLLL could save the day (which
she did). I felt like we had escaped. It took weeks and endless support
from my LLLL to learn to nurse effectively and I was a very anxious
mother - finding it hard to do *anything* with her without asking
somebody's permission. My paper-thin confidence had been shattered by
the post-partum experience and the stupid thing is, Emma got a little
dehydrated and a little jaundiced, but didn't even lose weight from her
birth weight (and never had a bottle in her life)!

After all that had happened after the first birth, for the 2nd baby I
had a homebirth. What a difference! :-) I still didn't nurse Alice right
away (I seem to have a time-delay on me), but when I did it was a
wonderfully relaxed experience. I was determined not to force her at
all, but to let her find her own way. My old tear had gone again during
the delivery (a trainee OB was responsible for a dodgy repair 1st time
round), and it took nearly an hour to repair; but that gave me an excuse
not to nurse Alice until I felt ready. Her first feed was 50 minutes.
Unlike Emma, I felt that Alice was definitely *my* baby from the start
and it was that feeling which really made it for me. I remember lying in
my bath, a couple hours after the delivery, with Alice asleep in her cot
(which she hasn't slept in since :-) with a wonderfully cuddly "all's
right with the world" feeling.

Due to a blood disorder totally unrelated to the birth, at 5 days we
ended up in NICU with Alice. I am sure the birth helped me be very
assertive and feel throughout that trying time that she was *my* baby.
In fact, I ended up doing half the nursing tasks for her, as well as the
parenting ones - even assisting the doctor put an IV in! Rather than get
angry with me, the nurses seemed to respect me. This was not entirely
due to my having some nursing training - another mother on the ward was
an anaesthetist but she was bossed about far more. When she saw me
filling in the input-output charts etc, she started doing nursing tasks
for her own baby and the nurses joked that we were trying to put them
out of a job. What made me mad was one nurse who said "You can't do that
- you're not a nurse!". I pulled rank "No, but I'm her mother!" I said.

IMHO, if parents are competent to perform nursing tasks, they should be
allowed to do so - it was ridiculous banning them, since the NICU I was
in employed untrained "Nursing auxilliaries" anyway. Parents can re-set
apnoea alarms, check input-output, take temperatures etc. And they are
far more likely to do it carefully and accurately.

Oh, and my final beef: I was told I was making too much noise around
Alice (we were in isolation) and it would disturb her. I pointed out
that if anything, the unusual quiet in the place was worrying to her!
--
Anna (mummy to Emma, born 17th Jan 1995 and Alice, born 11th Sept 1996)
Email: [log in to unmask]  Web Page: http://www.ratbag.demon.co.uk/anna