Louise Denhez's post was most interesting.  I think she is asking how we can
deal with our own feelings about untimely weaning (grief) while providing
emotional support to the weaning woman.  The theory being that emotional
support during weaning makes women less likely to be negative about
breastfeeding in the future.

First of all, I agree with the premise that the emotional support helps
reduce future negativity.  I usually empathize with the loss, stay available
to hear how the process is going (usually make at least one ph. call to make
sure everyone is doing ok) and make the suggestion to come see me (or
someone like me) earlier next time to get the jump on problems.  I have also
used the phrase:  "You have not failed.  The health care system failed you
by failing to provide you with enough support to succeed."  This is often
the case. In fact, I have on occasion made some remark like:  "On behalf of
the entire medical establishment I would like to apologize for the way you
were treated."  (Hey, no one appointed me, but just once in your life,
wouldn't YOU like someone to just say they were SORRY for all the
institutionalized cruelty people are subjected to????)  Oddly enough, doing
this has on a couple of occasions made someone who was just seething with
fury burst into tears and finally begin to thaw.  Then I like to stress to
the mother that its normal to grieve a loss such as this, and that regret is
inevitable, guilt is optional.

I think Louise is asking about our OWN feelings.  It is certainly true that
counselors need sources of support themselves, or it is hard to stay
clear-headed enough not to absorb and take on the emotions of those we
assist.  There are probably not any "right" answers to where to find that
support.  Some will find it through prayer or meditation, 12 Step groups
which teach detachment with love, peer support through professional
organizations or friends, a private therapist.  I do not believe that anyone
can carry by themselves the burden of all the tears of all the wounded women
who pass through our doors.  I certainly can't.  When I start getting
judegmental and short with clients I know I am getting burned out.

Barbara

Barbara Wilson-Clay, BS, IBCLC
Private Practice, Austin, Texas
Owner, Lactnews On-Line Conference Page
http://moontower.com/bwc/lactnews.html