On the subject of co-sleeping:  Dr. James McKenna's research has clearly
shown that co-sleeping is better for the baby's health -- in terms of
feeding frequency, heart rate stabilization, respiratory regulation, arousal
from apneas, and protection from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.  It is better
physiologically and psychologically for the child to be where s/he feels
safe and protected and in company.  Requiring the baby to arouse to a full
state of alertness, realize it is alone, become terrifed and start to
cry/scream, wait for mom/dad to hear them, wake up, wait to see if they go
back to sleep, *finally* come in to get baby -- this cannot be good for the
baby.  When the baby sleeps next to its mother, it rarely must arouse to the
crying state before mother is awakened and comforts baby or nurses it back
to sleep.  Baby gets a better night's sleep, so does mom, no one has to get
up, baby isn't crying.  Often, just reaching out and touching the baby when
it first stirs puts it back to sleep.  When baby gets older (4 months or so)
it can find the breast, latch-on, and nurse without disturbing the mother's
sleep.

My children are now 16, 11, and 5 years old.  The 11 year old goes to bed
when we tell him to (we read him a story and tuck him in), the 16 year old
goes to bed when her homework is finished.  Sometime during the night the 11
year old goes in and crawls in bed with the 16 year old, so they co-sleep
for much of the night.  The 5 year old goes to sleep when we tell him to (I
used to nurse him to sleep, but now he is finally weaned!, so he gets a
chapter from a book, and then I stay beside him reading my own book).  He
sleeps between me and my husband.  All my children get plenty of sleep and
are raring to go in the mornings.  We are not slaves to the clock, requiring
a specific bedtime each night, though I am usually asleep by 10 pm and get
up at 5:30 (internal alarm).  My husband stays up later.  We find plenty of
time/places/opportunities for talking without the kids, and for sex.  There
is no law that says all sexual relations between husband and wife *must*
take place in the late evening after the children have gone to bed, or that
they must take place in the parental bed.  I would not give up the closeness
and love and affection and tenderness and opportunities to parent my
children at night for anything in the world -- certainly not for a good
night's sleep.  I *get* a good night's sleep every night -- and that often
includes getting up with Alex (the 5 year old) to get him a drink or water
or take him to pee, or talk to him about a dream he was having, or to go
look at the full-moon whose intense light has awoken him.  Most everyone has
experience with sleeping alone, or with just our spouses, from growing up,
being single, being married before kids.  We all know what that is like.
But if you haven't had the experience of sleeping with a nursing infant, a
toddler, a 5 year old, then you really have no idea what you're missing, you
have no idea of the richness of nighttime parenting.  Parenting doesn't end
at 7 pm.  End of sermon.

P.S.  I got to spend all day Saturday at a conference with James McKenna ;)
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Katherine A. Dettwyler, Ph.D.                         email: [log in to unmask]
Anthropology Department                               phone: (409) 845-5256
Texas A&M University                                    fax: (409) 845-4070
College Station, TX  77843-4352