Hi All,
Maybe you can offer some words of advice, maybe not, but I need to "talk" to
those who will understand.
Here's the situation.
"Tina"  has very inverted nipples, had many people try to help her (some who
didn't have a clue about what they were doing, but called themselves LCs
anyway) BF her first child with no success.  She ended up feeling very used
and abused, un-listened to and pressured to do things she didn't feel
confortable with.  She pumped and bottle fed EBM for several months.
"Tina" is a WIC mom now, and pregnant with baby #2.  One of our PCs contacted
her and all hell broke loose.  The PC was just trying to help "Tina" by
giving her the appropriate info she had been taught, but "Tina" took it as
pressure again.  Enter Jay.  Jay talks to "Tina", calms her down, gains her
trust and respect.  We have a good relationship.  "Tina" is has managed, with
the use of inverted nipple shells to get one nipple to evert.  I suggest
starting baby on inverted nipple for first BF after birth, so baby won't know
the difference.  She like that idea and others we have discussed.  So far, so
good.
"Tina's" baby is born yesterday (6-18-96).  Latch-on very painful.  We
discuss her body and babys positioning over the phone.  Seems baby just wants
to suck on the nipple.  Know that she has inverted nipples, there is nothing
I can tell her (I just don't have that experience yet to help over the
phone).  I suggest that we set up an appt with our WIC LC ASAP, and have her
Hubby go to the main office in the AM to get a pump so she doesn't end up
with cracked, bleeding nips and engorgement.  Main office is 45 min away, she
refuses to send hubby.  I suggest another LC who will charge minimal fee and
come to home.  No go.  She refuses to pay for someone to tell her how to BF
her child.  I suggest that she send hubby to WIC LCs house for a pump, and
try to see LC at a WIC clinic next time it is open.  She refuses.  She says
she is going to have her sister and a friend, who have BF, help her, or do it
herself.  I gently explain that, while these two people may have successfully
BF, there is nothing as good as 20 yrs + of experience, as our LC has.  I
tell her what our LC can offer her in positioning and L-O help as well as BF
counseling.  "Tina" starts to get aggrivated.  We get off the phone.
3 hrs later...
I have made tentative arrangements with outside LC for an almost free
consultation and pump rental, and put in a call to our WIC LC to call "Tina"
and offer her phone help and set up appt.
I call "Tina".  Nipples are now bleeding and BF is extremely painful.  All
ofers of help by me are refused with the attitude of "I need to feed my baby,
and I'm going to do it myself, regardless of the pain."  I tell her how
concerned I am for her, and how important it is for her to have a consult
with an LC to see exactly what baby is doing.  Still, she won't go to main
office to get a pump or see LC, and she won't see outside LC.  She gets
really upset, and says she is really feeling pressured to do things "My way".
 I tell her I am trying to offer her several options so that she doesn't have
to go through what I went through with cracked, bleeding infected nipples.
 THat if she gets help from a professional now, then she will be saving
herself a lot of pain, agony and stress.  No go.
She refuses to listen.  I get off the phone, because I can see that she
simply is not hearing what I am saying and she is only going to do what she
wants to, regardless of the pain, I know, she will be putting herself in.
So, here I sit, knowing what she is letting her baby do to her, knowing the
pain she is going through (been there done that), knowing that if she would
just get some help she would be ok.  And there is absolutely nothing I can do
to help her.  It is so frustrating!  She refuses to help herself, and refuses
to let me help her, knowing that I'd bend over backwards for her.  I feel
like crying!  I feel like I pushed to hard trying to get her to understand
the importance of getting professional help in her situation and therefore
have damaged the relationship we had.  I realize that she is only one day
postpartum, so am trying to say "Ok, she is overwhelmed, and any info I tried
to give, no matter how little, could have seemed like pushing to her."  I am
not sure what to do now.  DO I wait for her to call me?  Do I call her in a
couple of days to see how she's doing?  Do I call her and apologize for
trying to give her the info?  I tried to be gentle and not pushy, knowing how
sensitive she is.  I wonder if I blew it, or if she just didn't want to hear
anything today.
Well, I know one thing.  I gave her all the help I could.  I tried to help,
and now it is up to her.  If she ends up with hamburger for nipples and can't
BF her baby until her nipples heal, and has to pump and feed EBM, then it was
her decision to go that route, and I can't take responsibility for that.  But
I still feel bad, you know?
Thanks for listening, everyone.  It's been a hard week already.  Babys been
running a 104 temp since Sunday and has been waking several times at night
wanting to BF.  Not normal for him since he gave that up quite a while ago.
 Also has upped his daytime BF from 4 times a day to about 20.  I'm feeling a
little touched out.  Also, the pregnancy hormones aren't helping much. :/
  Now he has a strange rash, and I have no idea what it is.  I guess I just
need a BIG break!  Calgon take me away!!! (Wait, I'm allergic to bath soaps,
Drat!  Foiled again!)
Well, thanks all, you're great!
Jay