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Mon, 5 Feb 1996 17:12:03 -0500 |
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Did anyone else see the Parent & Child column by John Rosemond, psychologist
in N. Carolina, it's carried in our paper by Knight-Ridder Newspapers. Title
was "Marital bed generally not place for kids. He says that his
'disapproval' is based on the importance of children understanding "their
parent's marriage does not include them. This distinction positions the
marriage at center stage in the family, at the focal point of attention."
"Coming to grips witht he fact that the husband/wife relationship is the
primary relationship in the family helps the young child divest of
self-centeredness, acquire a sense of independence and move securely toward
eventual emancipation.
Being allowed to sleep with parents prevents a child from seeing and
devloping respect for this distinction. On the surface, sleeping together
seems idyllic and nurturing. The togetherness seems to contribute to a
child's sense of security & self-esteem. In fact. the opposite is true.
A child cannot achieve complete autonomy unless parents first establish
the autonomy -- separateness -- of their marriage. Autonomy is virtually
synonymous with self-esteem. Therefore, what looks like a very nurturing
arrangement actually extends dependency and interferes significantly with
emotional growth."
That's the key quote. Where do they get this gobbledy-gook? Due to child
abuse, I went through tons of therapy through my childhood/teens, and they
spent a lot of time reassuring my mother that I was amazingly emotionally
healthy considering, and usually a lot of the strength was attributed to my
strong attachment to my grandparents, in whose bed I slept for many, many
years. Co-family sleeping was a given in our family. As of course it is in
most cultures around the world.
And while we are on this subject, I've been meaning to ask if any body's
heard of a mother suffocating a baby while sleeping with it on a maternity
unit, recently? My husband came home saying this is going around the medical
community here, but so far we've not been able to track down any facts. I've
heard this so many times over the years . . . usually it's one of those 'I
worked with someone who knew someone who . . ." scenarios. In this one,
supposedly the hospital involved is being sued for allowing this to happen.
Kathe Catone, IBCLC, LLLL ([log in to unmask])
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