Dear Lactnetters,

Have been interested by all the comments you have made on longer term
nursing and I agree that in general people who have not been exposed to
the idea of long term (several years) may be unconfortable.  I would like
to share a few toughts since I have some time as I wait for my #2 to be
born and I am dealing with the ups and downs of false labor!!!!

1.  I do not as some of you adress prenatal classes but rather groups of
professionals (wic, nurses, RDs, mds .....) in the context of continuing
education.  When talking to patients I have the luxury to do it on a one
on one basis and can tailor responses to their needs.

2.  I frequently relate to professionals and parents who ask me the
question my own personal story of how I got to BF a 4.5 yo!!! It goes
something like this.   As a graduating pediatric resident, my only
motivation to breastfeed was to give the best nutrition to my baby.
Antibodies were a good thing too!!.  I was determined to carry out my
motherly duties based on the recommendation of the Academy of Pediatrics:
6 months and that's it.  Since I have a more than full time job I felt
that it was enough of a commitment!!  I got 1 hour of education from a LC
at our local hospital and 1 hour prenatal class that contradicted the
first.  My labor got interfered with by the usual epidural and
significant bleeding but I did manage to get the baby to the breast
within 30' despite the protests of my OB who was trying to sew me up.
Then followed the worst period of my life: BF doing ok but baby was a
screamer and did not respond well to modern childrearing/independent baby
theories (thank God no sore nipples!!!).  I seriously thought we made a big
mistake to have this baby and felt overwhelmed by mothehood.  Plus also stupid because, me a doc
asking my lay friends what to do!!!! forget it rather die!!!  Little by
little things settled down (except for reflux!) and we threw away all
preconceived medical training about child care and followed our hearts.
Were much much happier.  Six months came along and I felt that I had
finally gotten into a routine, baby happier and gaining like a weed.
At 6 months 2 things happened: one I couldnt see the difference between 6
months and 6mo and 1 day in terms of justifying stopping BF, 2 the kid
one day pulled off the breast and with milk dripping all over gave me the
biggest smile especially designed for BF mothers!  This was the first
time I felt I was getting something out of this relation!  So since the
Academy said up to 1 year is good too we went on...  When my dauther was
a year I got invited to speak a our Texas LLL meeting and found myself
with family in this large luncheon room with about 150 women most of
which were bf littles and not so little kids.  The behavior of the kids,
how they adapted to a new strange environment and the harmony of these
nursing couples is what did it for me.  Since, despite the badgering of
my family in Europe who thinks that I have lost a screw to nurse a
talking child,  I have never been able to convince myself to do away with
our very special relationship.  Traveling as much as I do, our nursing
cuddling times when I return helps ease the guilt of beeing gone.

People are usually surprized when I tell them the story, because I come
accross usually as convinced that breast is best and they never tought I
could have had doubts at one time.  I also think it hits on a very
special connection we mothers have with each other:  we all want to fall
in love with our kids!!! Society makes it look as if it is automatic and
you ought to feel abnormal if you have trouble adjusting to the arrival
of a brand new human beeing you barely know and who keeps you up all night!!!

Many moms share with me that they think that long term BF is going to
continue every 2 hours like initially and/or they think that BF a toddler
means that mom has no control over toddler behavior (such as taking mom's
clothes off).  I can't blame them for not liking that idea!  When I point
out the differences between BF a young infant and a toddler the reaction
is usually "oh, I didnt know it could be like that, I thought
that.."...usually based on some weird behavior of somone.  I also point
out how I use BF as a mothering strategy to get toys picked up, convince
a 2 yo to do what I want, taking an 18mo old to the movies.....  I also
take the opportunity to point out that especially when working away from
the home we have tendency to brush off the kid when we get home (so
dinner can get started,.... just wait a minute you can tell me after
dinner...).  Young kids do not wait and I dont think they should wait for
our attention.  BF reminds me in no uncertain terms to give my child that
very important 5-10' before starting the dinner routine and despite the
chaos, to put kids first in the priority line.

Finally, as a physician, I think it is important that I share the mother
side of me with my patients.  The decisions leading to BF a toddler are
not scientific.  We should not do or not do for our kids things only
based on scientific data.  One has to follow her heart and instincts.
Each mother and child will be different and no study can reflect that.
Mothers should be able to have a BF relation with their children that is
joyful and fulfilling to them.  It is not a sacrifice but an act of love
in which giving brings as much as receiving.  So I encourage my patients
to go with what feels good.  My gut feelings tell me that happily bf once
a day may go farther for that mom and baby relation than feeling violated
because you have to BF 12 times!!!

Thank you for your time if you have taken it to read this ridiculously
long message. It  is not every day I have time to kill waiting for a new
baby.

Love to all

Maryelle, the preacher!