Judy,

Thank-you for your story of being a first time mother.  I have been following
this issue with interest too.  It wasn't until I read your entry that I
realized why I was feeling so very uncomfortable.  I think sometimes angry
feelings at an infant are quite normal.  Its the way that you respond to them
that is dangerous.  Acknowledging the feelings behind them is vitally
important.

I remember when my oldest (now 19 with a baby of her own) was very small.
  She cried a lot.  I was at my husband's grandmothers house. This woman was
wonderful.  She was in her 70's and still teaching in special education in
the public schools.  Anyway, she related how when her first daughter was a
baby and she cried all the time.  She said to me, "I can rememeber just
wanting to throw her against the wall to make her stop."  But of course she
didn't.  But it made me feel so good to know that other mothers had felt the
intense frustration I was feeling at not being in control.  It also gave me
the chance to express my frustration and anger.

Maybe before we send them off to the therapist we should open the dialog with
them and try to determine the depth of their anger.  Are they just trying to
express their feelings or are they actually scared they will, (or worse yet)
threatening to act out on these feelings?
I would think that it would become quite clear when we open the dialog if we
are in over our head and need to refer on or if the mother is expressing
frustration in the only way she knows how.

Denise Parker, BA, IBCLC