Hi, Rachel,

As I read your note to the misc.kids folks, I tried to read it as a
formula-feeding mom. Hard to do, admittedly....

Most of it is excellent and says things that need to be said, but I fear you
lost the battle early on by using the word "dumber" to describe formula fed
children. One emotionally packed word--regardless of how accurate it may
be!--can negate all the positively worded information in your note!

I speak from experience here, and I am sure there are at least a couple (+) on
Lactnet who may have been on Prodigy a couple of years ago during what was
dubbed "The FFOK Fiasco." As background, there was an active group of bf
advocates posting on the Parenting bulletin board, responding to concerns and
occasionally debating related issues. AT one point the Prodigy Powers-That-Be
decided to use a bottle as the symbol for the parenting bb. Many of us
complained, citing reasons why a bottle was not a good choice. (No, we didn't
advocate a breast!!). The discussion there was political, and while there was
input from moms using bottles, it did not turn into a mudslinging battle. They
changed their symbol, by the way!

Sometime later, a formula feeding mom posted a note saying she was tired of
being made to feel like less of a mom for having bottle/formula fed her kids.
She quoted her doctor as saying that the benefits of bf are only valid for the
first 3 months, anyway. (AAAAAGGGHH!)  Others joined in, rallying to her cause,
saying they, too, had been hassled for bottlefeeding. Personally, it was a real
eye-opener for me because I had seen so much from the other side of the
fence--the moms who were hassled for bf! One pro-bf, known on the bb for her
marvelous tact responded to the original mom and pointed out that the benefits
DO go on way past 3 months and that it DOES make a difference! I posted a note
relaying my amazement that formula fed moms were also hassled, and also pointed
out the misinformation rampant about bf and formula. Others posted as well. At
some point, one of the pro-bf posted a note talking about AFP (Artificial
Feeding Product) and Bottle Baby Disease (or is it Baby Bottle Disease?). That
was a significant turning point. Up until then, it was a heated discussion,
occasionally couched in mud. After that, it got AWFUL. FF moms were posting
jokes about Bottle Baby Disease that were reminiscent of the awful Helen Keller
jokes that folks used to tell. Many posts told of how healthy their ff babies
were and how many deathly ill bf babies they knew of. Tact on both sides went
out the window. It was awful.

Meanwhile, in another section of the parenting bb, the pro-bf were discussing
the ffok posts--should we have gotten on there at all? There were those who said
no, we had NO business in a post where one group was looking support within that
group. There were those on the other side who said we had EVERY right to be
there. And there was the group in the middle, who said the misinformation needed
to be corrected but that the discussion had turned too political, too hot for
anybody to be open to anything. (I was in that last group!)

I finally realized I had to get out of the ffok area, apologized for any
inflamatory remarks I may have made (there were a couple that I should have hit
delete instead of send!), and began a private email discussion with the original
poster (as did others). As it turned out, she had tried/wanted to bf, but had
been given little or no help and what she got was poor at best. She joined the
discussion on the bb with the pro-bfers, and there seemed to be some real
understanding between the two groups. We decided that she should start an
ongoing subject for helping ff moms and we would start(continue, actually) one
on bf. As I recall, the ff subject didn't last long--not much response, and the
bf subject didn't last much longer, although there was still other active bf
subjects. (I heard a year or so later that she had gotten pregnant and was
determined to bf her next baby!)

If I had it to do again, I probably would post in that discussion as before.
That is the fanatic in me! The thing that I learned though is that when defenses
are up, words have to be chosen VERY carefully. NO mom wants to think about
having fed her baby something called "Artificial Feeding Product"--regardless of
the fact that that is an altogether appropriate description of formula. Using
the word "dumber" probably triggered similar gut reactions.

It is an odd quirk that formula feeding moms feel as though we are trying to
make them feel guilty for not bf. It should not be so, and certainly they should
be angry. But the fact of the matter is they DO feel made-to-feel guilty and so
we have to find ways to minimize the walls that are going to go up.

We need to do everything we can to get to these women (and men) BEFORE they make
the decision. This is the time they are least likely to be carrying emotional
baggage that will prevent them from hearing what we have to say. And of course,
we have to continue to dispel myths and present accurate information (with
references--your list plus Katheryn D's is QUITE impressive!), not worrying
about whether we step on anybody's toes. It has to be presented in
non-inflammatory words where possible. The information speaks loud and clear
without the flames!

If I have created flames of a different sort, I apologize. I appreciate your
efforts to keep us "abreast" of political action possibilities. I would love to
see any replies you get to your list of references. (Then there is the problem
of the general mistrust of research studies, but THAT is another soap box!)

Fanatically yours,

Melissa Vickers, IBCLC
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