Dear Debbie,
These situations used to haunt me. I just hated it when a mother would
call me and tell me she was quitting, or worse, I would have to call her
as a follow-up because she couldn't face me with her decision. Probably
one of the best things that I ever learned from La Leche League was about
listening and acceptance. I learned to solve breastfeeding problems much
sooner than I learned to listen.

When a mother drops this bombshell on me, I take one of a few different
tacks. I may say to her, "you sound overwhelmed right now", or "you must
be feeling very disappointed", or "what a hard decision that must have
been to make", or "tell me what happened", etc. I do my very best *not*
to argue with her decision. Often, I hear a change in their voice as they
respond with their story, and I try to empathize with what they are
feeling, validate their struggle. Sometimes, as the mom feels heard, she
opens up to other possibilities, and I am able to share the information
that will help her keep breastfeeding. Other times, she doesn't want to
be persuaded, and I use the opportunity, if it is appropriate, to tell
her that she has learned much information that she can apply with the
next baby to help breastfeeding go better. I have had second time around
mothers return to me (I just had one call last night) because I left the
door open for them. It takes everything in me sometimes to bite my
tongue, not chastise them, but let them be. And it is worth it. Do I blow
it sometimes? Of course! But this is one skill that I am working very
hard on, for it is the one that brings in the new moms almost more than
my technical problem-solving skills.

Hope this helps. Been there-------Lisa

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Lisa A. Marasco, IBCLC                                /  [log in to unmask]
International Board Certified Lactation Consultant    /  [log in to unmask]

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