Ilene:
What a difficult, unsustainable situation, and you're right that more
ideas are needed. What love and patience your daughter is showing! And
since she is *your* baby, you're worried both about her and her baby.
Some level of postpartum depression/mood disorders, which affects both
the parent and the baby, could be something to be alert for, and to get
support for, in such stressful circumstances. She gave birth during the
pandemic and this isolated time has been so difficult for parents.
Just to start on a practical note, since you are awake and unhappy
anyway (and may have more flexibility about your own sleep schedule),
could you propose to your daughter that you take the night shift for a
few nights to give her an "emergency sleeping break" (as described in
the book "Sweet Sleep"). And that, in an ongoing routine, you split the
night shift with her while this is going on? She can choose whether the
first part of the night or having you take over at 1am would give her a
more productive restful stretch. If it's small living quarters where
sound carries, you can even take the crying baby out for a long stroll
(which might soothe the baby to sleep). You're not the parent, but the
baby knows you as a familiar part of the household. In tough times,
parents have to lean on their village. And she needs to keep that
intense day-job (no remote-work options there!) so the baby can go to
college! Helping the mother get some sleep buys time for problem-solving.
What does the pediatrician have to say about all this? This demands
investigation. Since the baby won't demonstrate the worrisome behavior
during a daytime doctor visit, it might be easy to dismiss it. "Oh, all
babies cry." Communicate the problem's severity by sharing videos of
the nightly distress, and a log of how long the distress lasts.
It is mysterious that the baby seems to be ok during the day. Any
concerns about overall weight gain and other developmental milestones?
It's not just enough that the baby isn't screaming during the day, but
is she active, socially engaged and making eye contact, eager to play,
working on motor skills? Does the baby seem to enjoy the "minimal
solids" she is taking? Could this be a feeding disorder? That the baby
is having difficulty progressing to enjoying a wide range of
complementary family foods? With most breastfeeding 1 year olds, the
solids are making an important contribution to the day's caloric needs.
Regardless of how a baby is being fed, they should *not* be crying, and
acting as if in pain, all night, every night. This unusual situation
may require specialized help. And, because breastfeeding is just the
normal way to feed a baby, some medical condition can happen *while*
breastfeeding, but not necessarily *because* of breastfeeding.
Sometimes it helps to ask an HCP, "If I weren't breastfeeding, what
might you suggest?"
Ask around in your lactation community to find breastfeeding-supportive
specialists to progress through -- a gastroenterologist, pediatric
allergist, child psychologist/behaviorist, infant chiropractor, SLP or
OT pediatric-feeding specialist, even a sleep specialist. (I wonder if
the Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine has any resources?). And to remind
your daughter that she is the person *hiring* these medical
professionals to get their expertise as input for her decisions-- no one
has the power to *make* her wean. (A temporary weaning, while a mother
protects the supply with a pump, might be part of the detective work for
a digestively unhappy baby -- but an older baby might be unhappy just
because breastfeeding was suddenly cut off).
The nightly distress may have nothing to do with the mother's diet, but
it's worth exploring. The baby can't be allergic to her milk -- though
an occasional sensitive baby can be allergic to stray proteins from the
lactating parent's diet. Allergy-testing doesn't work well with small
babies, but a pediatric allergist may know if it's worth exploring with
a 1 year old.
Elimination diets are difficult. You mentioned that she's already
eliminated some foods (and maybe those can be brought back, since they
obviously aren't the offenders) -- but that list overlooked several of
the "big eight" allergens. Are there foods she (or the baby ) tend to
eat every day? Sometimes it helps to focus on a preparing for a
"one-to-two week trial" (which sounds finite and manageable) based on
foods she *can* eat. Research low-allergy foods and fill the house with
them -- things she doesn't eat often but likes ok --so there's always
something to grab quickly and she is never hungry. A few ideas --
high-protein quinoa, squashes, root vegetables, lamb and turkey, rice
(and rice milk/crackers/cereal) lentils, etc. Just use olive oil, salt
and pepper as seasoning. Minimize processed foods and read labels
carefully. Make a big batch of soup or casserole so someone can heat up
a bowl quickly. It helps morale to feel that this is not a "forever
diet" and doesn't have to be perfectly balanced -- it is a test to see
if the baby's symptoms are improving? If not, then maybe it's not a
food issue.
Anyway, more questions than answers here! (and feel free to share with
your daughter anything that seems useful). Good luck to the whole team
Margaret Wills, IBCLC, Maryland, USA
Date: Sun, 3 Apr 2022 18:16:28 -0400
> From: Ilene Fabisch <[log in to unmask]>
> Subject: Re: HELP! endless crying/sleepless
>
> Hi folks. Sending this message to try to get some opinions from the wise voices here. My granddaughter just turn a year. Exclusively breastfed. Started solids at 6mo- pretty minimal. Has had ongoing restless and pitiful crying nights. She sleeps about 60-90 min around 8pm and is up continually the rest of the night every 10 min. Mom went dairy free when this all started even before solids were introduced. The screaming is unbearable and they’ve almost gone to the ER several times. It seems to be that she is in pain, arches, throws her head back. They have used homeopathic remedies like colic comfort or camamilia. It helps a bit for awhile. We can hear her stomach gurgle, she does fart and sometimes poops. We have eliminated garlic, beans, humus, dairy, and now gluten.Instead of getting better it almost served worse. She is fine all say though although still only naps for about an hour, sometimes 2 but without the painful cries like at night. My daughter is up literally all night holding and rocking her and now has just started back to work but she is an air traffic controller and needs to be alert. She’s at her wits end. I don’t know how to help. She asked me if I think it’s her milk. I’m just not sure. I did tell her that any GI doctor would probably have her wean. Her response was if it’s stops her pain it will have to be ok with me. I live with them and have cried in my room not wanting to interfere but listening to the screams. It’s really horrible- we all dread the night.
>
> Sent from my iPhone
>
> Ilene Fabisch IBCLC/RLC
> A Gentle Beginning Lactation Assistance
>
>
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