I agree, Petra.
I have long abandoned that phrase, because I have seen the effect of it.
It is really pointless to argue about whether
it's true that we can 'make' people feel 'guilty'
or not....so what if the
guilt/sadness/bitterness/anger may be mostly
internal? I think there is a lot we have yet to
discover about the psychodynamics, the
psychosomatics, and the endocrinology of not
breastfeeding and/or early weaning.
Whatever. Women struggling with breastfeeding,
women who have struggled with breastfeeding, may
well be *hurting*.
The idea that if they are hurting, it's not our
fault because all we do is tell the truth, and
they need to man up and handle it.....well, it
may not be our 'fault' but we can certainly add
to their hurt, by appearing to judge, criticise,
compare or belittle....or do anything that could
be interpreted as this.
Yes, I have heard from women who are *hurting*
who interpret a casual glance as a critical
appraisal; from women who are in emotional pain
buried under layers of defiance, who interpret a
ban on formula advertising as a *direct and
personal* judgment on their feeding method. In
the UK, you are not permitted to get loyalty
points in stores on infant formula - quite
right, too. But women who are hurting think the
fact they don't get the equivalent of one penny
off a £10 pack of formula is a direct and
personal judgment on them :(
I hear from women who say 'the midwife yelled at
me/told me I mustn't love my baby very much/said
my baby would get diabetes/ etc etc'....and I
really cannot believe there are HCPs who are like
that, but that's what women in pain interpret
what they experience.
We are in the highly sensitive and priveleged
position of being with women while they negotiate
their feelings around feeding.
It is essential that we think carefully about
what we say and how we say it, and how it might
possibly come across to someone **in pain**, and
often, blaming themselves for personal failure.
None of this means we deny or minimise the
potential health impact of feeding decisions.
None of it means we should say 'it doesn't matter
what sort of milk your baby has, all that counts
is your baby is fed' and all the rest of the
supposedly comforting words we could say if we
knew no better.
We can be honest, truthful, open and kind,
recognising that we maybe should tread on egg
shells for the sake of someone's self-esteem as a
mother. We should avoid any suggestion of shaming
or judging - and boy oh boy, that means learning
to be very, very careful about verbal language,
body language, tone of voice, every aspect of our
interaction.
Heather Welford Neil
NCT bfc, tutor, UK
>Language is a powerfull tool and the sentence
>'Breast is Best' is in my opinion emotional
>black mailing. I have yet to meet a parent who
>was not hurt by it, when they had tried all they
>knew (or been told) and things were just not
>working for a variety of reasons.
>
>I would love this 'Breast is Best' sentence not
>to be used anymore, as I don't think anyone has
>the right to hurt, induce quilt or blame a
>parent.
>
>My 2 cents worth.
>
>Petra Hoehfurtner
>IBCLC
>LLLeader
>Stillbirth and Bereavement Doula
>Gestalt Counsellor
>Tongue Tie Release
>
>On 04/02/2015 5:00 AM, LACTNET automatic digest system wrote:
>
>
>Date: Tue, 3 Feb 2015 17:40:35 -0600
>From: Ginger Chun <[log in to unmask]>
>Subject: Re: Feeding Babies and Green Hair
>
>But saying "Breast is Best" or "Normalize Breastfeeding' is not tearing
>some one down.
>
>~ Ginger Chun
>
> ***********************************************
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http://www.heatherwelford.co.uk
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