Absolutely brilliant post Heather. Thank you.
Karleen Gribble
Australia
Sent from my iPad
> On 4 Feb 2015, at 10:36 pm, heather <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> I agree, Petra.
>
> I have long abandoned that phrase, because I have seen the effect of it.
>
> It is really pointless to argue about whether
> it's true that we can 'make' people feel 'guilty'
> or not....so what if the
> guilt/sadness/bitterness/anger may be mostly
> internal? I think there is a lot we have yet to
> discover about the psychodynamics, the
> psychosomatics, and the endocrinology of not
> breastfeeding and/or early weaning.
>
> Whatever. Women struggling with breastfeeding,
> women who have struggled with breastfeeding, may
> well be *hurting*.
>
> The idea that if they are hurting, it's not our
> fault because all we do is tell the truth, and
> they need to man up and handle it.....well, it
> may not be our 'fault' but we can certainly add
> to their hurt, by appearing to judge, criticise,
> compare or belittle....or do anything that could
> be interpreted as this.
>
> Yes, I have heard from women who are *hurting*
> who interpret a casual glance as a critical
> appraisal; from women who are in emotional pain
> buried under layers of defiance, who interpret a
> ban on formula advertising as a *direct and
> personal* judgment on their feeding method. In
> the UK, you are not permitted to get loyalty
> points in stores on infant formula - quite
> right, too. But women who are hurting think the
> fact they don't get the equivalent of one penny
> off a £10 pack of formula is a direct and
> personal judgment on them :(
>
> I hear from women who say 'the midwife yelled at
> me/told me I mustn't love my baby very much/said
> my baby would get diabetes/ etc etc'....and I
> really cannot believe there are HCPs who are like
> that, but that's what women in pain interpret
> what they experience.
>
> We are in the highly sensitive and priveleged
> position of being with women while they negotiate
> their feelings around feeding.
>
> It is essential that we think carefully about
> what we say and how we say it, and how it might
> possibly come across to someone **in pain**, and
> often, blaming themselves for personal failure.
>
> None of this means we deny or minimise the
> potential health impact of feeding decisions.
> None of it means we should say 'it doesn't matter
> what sort of milk your baby has, all that counts
> is your baby is fed' and all the rest of the
> supposedly comforting words we could say if we
> knew no better.
>
> We can be honest, truthful, open and kind,
> recognising that we maybe should tread on egg
> shells for the sake of someone's self-esteem as a
> mother. We should avoid any suggestion of shaming
> or judging - and boy oh boy, that means learning
> to be very, very careful about verbal language,
> body language, tone of voice, every aspect of our
> interaction.
>
> Heather Welford Neil
> NCT bfc, tutor, UK
>
>
>
>> Language is a powerfull tool and the sentence
>> 'Breast is Best' is in my opinion emotional
>> black mailing. I have yet to meet a parent who
>> was not hurt by it, when they had tried all they
>> knew (or been told) and things were just not
>> working for a variety of reasons.
>>
>> I would love this 'Breast is Best' sentence not
>> to be used anymore, as I don't think anyone has
>> the right to hurt, induce quilt or blame a
>> parent.
>>
>> My 2 cents worth.
>>
>> Petra Hoehfurtner
>> IBCLC
>> LLLeader
>> Stillbirth and Bereavement Doula
>> Gestalt Counsellor
>> Tongue Tie Release
>>
>> On 04/02/2015 5:00 AM, LACTNET automatic digest system wrote:
>>
>>
>> Date: Tue, 3 Feb 2015 17:40:35 -0600
>> From: Ginger Chun <[log in to unmask]>
>> Subject: Re: Feeding Babies and Green Hair
>>
>> But saying "Breast is Best" or "Normalize Breastfeeding' is not tearing
>> some one down.
>>
>> ~ Ginger Chun
>>
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>
> --
> http://www.heatherwelford.co.uk
>
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