> On Oct 9, 2015, at 1:26 AM, Jacqui Gruttadauria <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>> 
>> Among thousands of memorable posts (honestly) there is one I think I have
>> shared more frequently than any other, and it is Jacqui Gruttadauria's
>> response to Diane Wiessinger's call to anyone who has breastfed during
>> pregnancy, inviting them to share the feelings they had. It still makes me
>> cry every time I re-read it and it alone was responsible for one of the
>> most recent subscriber additions to the list.
>> 
>> Here's another exercise for you. Try out the search function if you have
>> never read Jacqui's post. It was posted on April 23, 2008, the day after
>> Diane posted her invitation, and the subject line is 'for those of you who
>> breastfed during pregnancy'. If it leaves you unmoved then maybe you aren't
>> in the right field.
>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You could have bowled me over with a flat nipple when I saw this! What an absolutely unexpected and touching honor to see anything I wrote held up in high regard to such esteemed professionals. I remember very clearly writing it. My 5th and last child was about 6 months old and my 4th child was 2 1/2. I was tandem nursing - again - and had done 2 stints of triandem nursing. Perhaps the knowledge that this would be my last tandem nursing relationship and there would be no more triandem nursing ones enabled me to write that piece with such heartfelt conviction. 

The truth is, I’ve always felt a bit like an impostor. I got asked to volunteer at our hospital in the Detroit area back when I was tandem nursing my 1st two, because the breastfeeding rates there were abysmally low and a nurse saw me nursing two. By the time I had my 3rd and was nursing all 3, I was practically a freakish legend in our very conservative town. 
My phone number was being handed out to all the moms of multiples. I more than accumulated the hours toward an IBCLC over the next 8 years, but the politics and opportunities for someone with the credential in that area back then did not impress me. Much less so, the attitudes and opinions of Dr.s regarding breastfeeding then - Dr.s I would have to be supervised by in the hospital- and never allowed to contradict. Nobody fires the sassy volunteer!

As my own nursing experiences grew to include keeping a child alive with my bare mams who was allergic to everything, had skin that was falling off and who never grew, I became the local expert on nursing dyads dealing with food allergies and FTT. 

I was called a lactation consultant so many times, I began to think of myself as (and almost entitled a blog) the NON-IBCLC. Much as I protested, the downcast and ill-used breasts, they found me. I had more bare breasts in my house than the Playboy Mansion. 

It hit me one day that I really was immersed in breastwork, like it or not, when my then-11 year old son came walking into the living room, eating a sandwich, as I was adjusting the straps in an infant seat for a new mother. She had her breast out and was attempting to latch the newborn, unaware that my son had come in. 

He took a bite of his sandwich and then commented around his food, “You have to pretend like it’s a ham sammitch for the baby, like this.” He took another bite to demonstrate. I wondered for a moment how my professionalism would stack up next to that of a bona fide LC’s, and then dismissed the thought as the mom neatly tucked a breast sammitch into the baby’s mouth. 

Then there was the time I went out with some moms from the neighborhood for a drink. After having a few, one of them said accusingly, “I wasn’t sure about you - all you do is talk about boobs.”

Or the time I was so engrossed in a puzzling case, I ran it by our 80 year old family friend. He’d noticed my preoccupation and insisted that he was a very open-minded, totally modern thinker and had 2 wives that had breastfed his children - not to mention his own mom who’d nursed him until 3!

I laid out the case of an experienced mom struggling to get her 3rd to take the breast. The baby boy was only 5 weeks old and steadfastly refusing it, no bottles or pacifiers ever used. I went over all the possible culprits, from the usual suspects to some farfetched theories. 

He finally interrupted my verbal musings with a condescending chuckle. 
“Well, that’s an easy one”, he assured me, 
“the baby is gay.”

Lactnet was the one resource that helped me keep my head on straight and my facts in order without professional guidance or community support for normal-term breastfeeding in my locale. 

I learned more from Lactnet than from my college degree, by far. To this day, when dealing with any professional related to babies or the reproductive organs, I always ask, “Do you know about Lactnet?” The Dr who is, is the one I go with. I loved so many postings here, that I could never pick just one, or even a few. Learning about RPS was a game-changer for me. Reading the “watch your language” posts was a thrilling mission I took to heart. Every post I wrote was written with multiple revisions and I held my breath every time I saw those first replies to it. 

The offlist communications and friendships are treasures beyond price to me. I printed and saved Rachel Myr’s story of how she came to minister to mammaries. I cheered Jaye Simpson on and was glad I could learn vicariously through all her posted questions. I was in awe of and lived in terror of ever writing something stupid in front of Karleen Gribble. Jennifer Tow diagnosed my son’s problems years before the best Dr.s in our state finally managed it. I could write 20 pages of all the things that are my favorites here. 

But my most favorite thing of all on Lactnet? It was how everyone used to add a little blurb into their siggy that was completely personal. What the weather was like where they are, what they were worrying about, what they were going to cook when they got off LN, whose grown child was getting married that weekend, who had grandkids visiting… 

There was a time that it felt like all the credentials after a name here could feel like a stick to beat those of us who didn’t have them. The debate over credentials turned me into a lurker here. I never tried to pass myself off as an IBCLC, I never had to do this for the career income. I always referred up when indicated, but actually - the LCs in my area were calling me for advice. My GP used to give my number to her patients with breastfeeding issues, used to call me to ask how to get Domperidone. I know there have to be standards and consistency and ppl claiming the experience and education who don’t have it only bring down the ones who do… but there are some of us who do it purely from the heart, and do it well and responsibly. 

I love the respectful, thought-out format of the listserv, as well - but I also enjoy knowing FB is there for the quick access and less formal interactions. On Classic LN, I know your credentials and what books you’ve authored. On Instant Lactnet (FB), I know what you look like in pajamas and if you are a crazy cat lady IRL or a dog hoarder. ;-P

 When I was feeling intimidated and uncertain about being welcome here, it was the siggy blurbs that kept me here. That reminded me we’re all the same under the alphabet soup and we’re almost all doing it for the very same reason. Now I’m older and wiser and more secure. Now I know I don’t have the luxury of so much time to waste, I can spend it worrying about things that don’t apply to me. Now I have the confidence of hundreds of happy moms and babies I helped behind me. When this group is talking about posers charging like an LC with the experience of a weekend breastfeeding class, you are definitely not talking about me.  But I still miss those siggy blurbs. 


That 6 1/2 month old, tandem nursing baby is 8 years old now. My life has moved on - and so have I. I live across the country from where I did before and no longer have the reputation and client base that kept me working with breastfeeding families. We can make friends now, and it could actually never come up whether our children were breastfed or formula fed. (Okay, that’s a lie, because it still *always* comes up with me, but it *could* happen someday that it doesn’t!)

I’ve had to become an expert at advocating for the rights of children with food allergies in schools, learning about open skin disorders and school accommodations for them, embracing, supporting and advocating for neurodiversity in public schools, and the list goes on and on. I can go months at a stretch now without seeing anybody else’s bare breast. I actually have to remember women by their faces now, and not the size and shape of their breasts and color of their nipples and mood of the baby hanging from them. 

But still, Lactnet subscriptions have never been turned off in my mail box. And still, that 11 year old son with the sandwich (who is now almost 16) predicts, “Oh, I’m sure Mumma will get to feel my future girlfriend’s boobs before I do - she’ll probably force them all have an interview inspection to make sure they can breastfeed any kids if we get married!”

And there is this lady I met recently. I heard she needed help starting over after moving here with nothing. Hard worker, heart like a ray of sunshine, good head on her shoulders. How was I to know she moved here to reunite with a baby 7 1/2 months postpartum, after being separated from the baby at birth? Or that her fondest wish is to get the baby to breast?
They always find me. And I always help them. And I love knowing where the backup is if I ever can’t. 
Thank you for that, more than you know!

Jacqui Gruttadauria, BSW
Who talked a good game, but is magically transported back to being a LN newbie and will be holding my breath while reading the 1st replies...

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