I hesitate to post, because I feel as if I am opening myself up to the attack of my colleagues, but I do have 2 thoughts here that I would like to share.

The first is that I don't always make the "correct" health choice according to professionals. Let's take flossing. I hate flossing, every time I go to my dentist, she asks and I mumble something about sure, I floss my teeth. I just don't say how often, which isn't often at all. I know that flossing is better than not flossing, but in my life, regular flossing just doesn't work. My dentist doesn't understand it, she keeps telling me it isn't a big deal, just floss, it hardly takes any time at all and the payout is huge when it comes to my dental hygiene. But, despite knowing all this, flossing just doesn't work for me. There are a number of other things I should do but don't. Exercise is another one of them. I am pretty sure we can all point to areas of our life where we don't do what is best, we just do what we can. A new mother who is or is not breastfeeding is doing the best she can.

My second thought is this. It troubles me how quick we are on Lactnet to demonize each other. If someone posts something that we don't agree with, or where we struggle to see that persons point of view, there seems to be this attitude that it is ok to write nasty responses. It doesn't happen always, but it happens enough that I actually don't post on Lactnet that often. Years ago, when I was going through depression, I quickly learned to cut off all sources of negative energy in my life, because it made my depression unbearable. I tend to not post often on Lactnet because I have had people attack me personally via email and via posts for some of the things I have mentioned. There seems to be this rule of some discuss and some attack. Here's the thing though, we are all colleagues, and we are all individuals. When I come across a mother who has seen a colleague who has given her different advice, I tell her we all have the same recipe, but different spices. Our spices are what makes us unique and also gives us the opportunity to work with and have success with different people. All of us will agree more with some than with others, and that's ok. In fact, it's a good thing, when we can support each other in our differences. 

Yes, I sometimes read a post and want to reply straight away. Sometimes I even write a response, but then I leave it for a bit, and once my emotions have cooled off, I read what I wrote, or I get someone else to read it (usually my very patient ex-husband who is very good at picking up unintended tone in an email), and then most of the time I don't post it. I try hard to stop myself and ask, will this response build people up or tear them down? Don't get me wrong, I am not a saint, or always very good at this. I am known as an opinionated hot head at work, (I give the nurses a hard time for not knowing the answer to why... why is formula best practice in this case is my usual question) but I never ever give mothers a hard time about it. Most times mothers are giving formula because some HCP has advised them to do so, and if not, then because they lacked faith in themselves or there were other factors involved. Like a lot of us that are passionate about breastfeeding, I have to work really hard to be calm and to be supportive of those around me, even when I don't agree with what they are saying. 

I had a mom I worked with the other day, she had had a terrible experience with her first, and she did not want to breastfeed this baby if things were going the same way. We spoke for a while, and at the end of the visit, her husband said something that worries me. He said that he would have thought that breastfeeding would be all about the sisterhood of women, but he was sad to say it was all about women being horrible to each other and not supportive of those going through the experience. Surely if a plan is not working for that mother, then it is not a plan, it is stupidity, and we should change the plan. When did we put breastfeeding on the pedestal above mothers? Surely the magic is in the mother, not the milk?

thanks for reading,
Sonya
Who is now gearing up for the hate mail that such a post often brings :( 
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