Debbie, 

This is worth a try. Obviously, since the child is in daycare, the mother must be working part of the day. He has always been used to lots of body contact and touch from your history, but odds are quite likely that he gets comparatively little of this at daycare, and so "demands" more touching, through nursing if necessary, when with her. And due to her feeling overwhelmed, it's quite possible that in trying to start the change that her reasoning tells her will help her feel "more in control" of her body, she may, without realizing it, be withdrawing some body contact not associated with BF to get him to "grow up", so that his only option to fill his "touch bank" is to demand to nurse. He seems to be communicating in the only language he knows to get something beyond his nourishment needs met, and he needs to have his "body language" understood in light of his emotional "acting out".

Here is a hint I have given many mothers who notice this behavior in the early weeks when a new baby is actually first in the home. Consider that his neuro-chemistry actually changes with touch, which is a language of its own, as we all know from other stages of our lives. Help her plan ahead to comb his hair, rub his back and/or his feet, early in the day, and frequently on reunion after day care. And as my mother told me, "When you feel your kids are trying to drive  you up the wall, just look at them and smile and quietly, lovingly playfully say 'I think you need some Vitamin Tickle!' and proceed to tickle them a modest amount -nothing overwhelming where they are begging for it to stop" But a frequent dose of Vitamin Tickle can fill the "account" in his "Touch Bank" so that he has a little extra patience to draw on when the yearning for touch comes over him. 

He still may "require" nursing, at least at first, to get his "fix", but slowly will come to look forward to the game and the feeling of joy he gets from tickling, as many times a day as he likes, from either mom or dad (or day care personnel!).  Nothing scientifically based, but I have seen it work for many mom-toddler couples in changing into the "next stage" of family and interpersonal life. I have read, and sadly, experienced personally, that emotional fall out at much later stages in a child's life might well be connected to the child's feelings at the time he was subjected to the "loneliness" of sudden or forced weaning that he was unable to express in words at the time.

Also, hormones may be helping cause nipple pain, but encourage her to try heat on her nipples, perhaps a folded, very warm wash cloth before for a few minutes before latching, and perhaps a heating pad after nursing, covering quickly especially to escape any chill from evaporating saliva, just in case there may be a bit of Raynaud's in the nipple pain. If it works, then she has one less feeling of being "out of control" in her life.

Hope this helps.

K. Jean Cotterman RNC-E, IBCLC
WIC Volunteer LC Dayton OH 

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