Wise ones,
   I bring this question and its accompanying story to you for your thoughts and feelings because the mother in the story is my sister.  She has given me explicit permission to post her queries/observations because she is seeking answers, solace, and maybe even community for her situation.
     On January 23, 2012 my sister gave birth to her 4th child via planned cesarean delivery.  (Her delivery history: unmedicated vaginal birth #1, unplanned cesarean following unmedicated labor due to fetal heart decels and nuchal cord, uneventful and unmedicated VBAC for #3.)  This cesarean was thoughtfully planned following breech presentation from 26 weeks on.  An ultrasound was performed immediately before the surgery which revealed baby still breech and very low amniotic fluid.  The cesarean was gentle and peaceful according to my sister, and baby healthy.  As she was stitched up nurses (for unknown reason) tested blood sugar and said it was low.  As my sister had exclusively breastfed all 3 previous babies for, respectively, 1 year, 3 years, and 3 years (also tandem during this pregnancy), her husband politely declined to have nurses feed "just 10 ml of formula," instead opting to ask my sister's friend and doula, a nursing mother of a 4-month old, to breastfeed the baby just for a few minutes while my sister was incapacitated.  This went beautifully and within a few minutes baby was put to his mother's breast.  He fed well always right from the beginning and had far more than the 4 stools I generally see from the first 24 hours.  Nursing has been easy; managing milk supply has been an unexpected challenge for her as she has a huge supply unlike any she ever had before.  She has battled some plugged ducts all along and pumps as needed to keep it moving.
    To complete the picture, my sister is also an identical twin, and both twins are LLLL's for about 5 years.  Both are extremely knowledgeable about BF and practice attachment parenting and babywearing.  They are excellent role models to their peers and have influenced so many people in their parenting.  
    The true question lies herein: my sister asked me a few days ago what I thought about the following: 
"So have you ever heard of a baby who refuses to nurse unless he is hungry.  He does not want to comfort nurse at all because milk comes out.  He will only take a finger when he is not hungry.  And after he is done (filled up from his nursing session) he wants off and only wants to comfort suck on a finger.  I have been trying to get him off this since he was born, but I just can't seem to change his mind about boobies.  He also will not sleep for me - he will only fall asleep for the night with Daddy or Big Sister who give him a finger, not a breast!  It is so frustrating and sad to me."  
     My first response was to validate her feelings and acknowledge that she is feeling like this experience is "less" than with her other babies.  I encouraged her to step into baby's shoes and feel what he feels - he does not like to feel "forced" to eat and he wants to be in charge of his eating.I also reminded her that he was born into a large, busy, loud, and wonderfully caring family who entertainment him much of the time.  (His siblings are 8, 6, and 3 and very loving and helpful with him; they are also homeschooled and spend almost every minute of every day together.   Daddy is in the military so works long hours but is not deployed.)  I also mentioned the fact that his very first feeding was a high-flow experience (from the doula) and that her milk supply is high and sometimes her MER is really strong; I posited that he may have imprinted a stronger idea than many babies about needing to control his eating.  Finally I stressed that this type of parenting is really beneficial for Daddy (having the opportunity to soothe and to put to sleep) since he has missed some of that with other babies.  She definitely appreciated that sentiment.  
    My sister mostly wants to know if she can reasonably expect this to change or if she should even try.  Emotionally she feels she can work through her self-defined frustration and sadness; she welcomes any and all thoughts on her situation.  

Thank you kindly,
 
Christine Staricka, IBCLC, CCE
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