Michelle writes:
"Once a mother stops breastfeeding, support like LLL and her lactation
consultant are usually also abandoned (and fair enough), so I can see how that
pain and sadness sits and grows without a place to process it.
Any thoughts? Great resources?"
Hello all,
I came to the conclusion a while back: part of my role as an IBCLC is as
what I call "Hospice LC" - I am there to be present and assist in whatever
way I can to help a woman journey through or make peace with the death of her
breastfeeding (and/or childbirth) dream. For another area of my life, I
needed to take a course to recertify, and the only one available that I
hadn't taken before was Bereavement Ministry. It was quite eye-opening to see
realize how much, as a person, and an IBCLC where I am ( where I am often the
last IBCLC a mom sees before she "quits" whatever she has been doing that
has not worked into the happy, easy breastfeeding relationship she
envisioned), the lives of these women, and therefore my life, is saturated in
mourning and grieving. Women we meet are often still in the heat of trying to
process events that went quickly and still are, out of their control. As
someone noted, this process can take years and these things pop up long after
when we tell someone the work we do. This is probably related to not being
able to process them at the time they occur. There are the "big" losses,
death of a beloved, loss of a job, etc, but the "smaller" losses also take
their toll. The areas of understanding loss and change, and the grief
process that follows and accompanies these changes, are an important part of my
understanding of why I am there for this family. I can understand why a
woman would stop going to LLL meetings or stop calling their IBCLC, but I do
not encourage it. I tell moms I am there to support them through "this"
phase too, if they would like. I think there are so many of today's mom and
babies traumatized by the events and expectations of even "normal" labor,
delivery and post-partum experiences in and out of the hospital, let alone the
emergent and iatrogenic issues that come up. This counseling aspect has
always been important, and probably for many reasons of my own ( mom was an RN
who taught me about being present for people in need, my own PT background
and LLL work, being present for the dying of friends and family, the LC
work), but now it seems even more so. I've thought of putting together a
ContEd thing on Compassion Fatigue and Loss and Change issues ( but, uh,
admittedly, have not....).
Peace, Michelle and all of us who deal with so much pain on a daily basis,
Judy
Judy LeVan Fram, PT, IBCLC, LLLL
Brooklyn, NY, USA
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